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extreme sports such as sky diving and skiing are very dangerous and should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.12

extreme sports such as sky diving and skiing are very dangerous and should be banned. v. 12
In the last few decades, rising sports have become popular among the people, and some argue that, government should forbid this kind of sports permanently. However, I deny this statement that sports like sky diving and skiing are too menacing, therefore I believe this is not. In my opinion, extreme sports are not as threatening as many people think, because it is mandatory to take the training session before doing these kind of activities. That is to say that, people who opt to go for sports like bungee jumping, sky diving and skiing are mostly skilled. For instance, when someone wants to do an activity such as bungee jumping has to register for training under a club. This certainly helps them to know about the techniques and safety rules which could minimise or deter the accident. In fact, beginners do not allow to solo dive. I strongly believe that, it would be wrong and impossible to prohibit the extreme sports. This is because, everyone has their freedom of right to do any kind of activities to please themselves. Additionally, we should all be free to take decision how to spend our leisure time. In other words, if the government bans these activities, could be difficult for them to prevent extreme sports. Because, most of the risky sports like wave surfing, skiing and bungee jumping are practiced far away from the reach of any authorities. In conclusion, from the above views and explanations we can say that the government should not ban the extreme sports. Those who think that these activities are dangerous should know about the sports first.
In the last few decades, rising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
have become popular among the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
argue that,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should forbid this kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
permanently
.
However
, I deny this statement that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
like
Did you mean "skydiving"?
sky diving
and skiing are too menacing,
therefore
I believe this is not.

In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are not as threatening as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is mandatory to take the training session
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
doing
Did you mean "this kind" or "these kinds"?
these kind
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
That is
to say that,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who opt to go for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
like bungee jumping,
Did you mean "skydiving"?
sky diving
and skiing are
mostly
skilled.
For instance
, when someone wants to do an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
such as bungee jumping
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
register for training under a club. This
certainly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to know about the techniques and safety
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
which could
Possible spelling mistake. 'minimise' is British English.
minimise
or deter the accident. In fact, beginners do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
Did you mean "soloing"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'allow' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to solo
dive.

I
strongly
believe that, it would be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
and impossible to prohibit the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, everyone has their freedom of right to do any kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
please
themselves.
Additionally
, we should all be free to take decision how to spend our leisure time.
In other words
, if the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
bans these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, could be difficult for them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
, most of the risky
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
like wave surfing, skiing and bungee jumping
are practiced
far away from the reach of any authorities.

In conclusion
, from the above views and explanations we can say that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should not ban the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. Those who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
should know about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
first
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay extreme sports such as sky diving and skiing are very dangerous and should be banned. v. 12

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
268 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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