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Each year, the crime rate increases. What are the causes of crime and what could be done to prevent this rise in criminal activity? v.15

Each year, the crime rate increases. What are the causes of crime and what could be done to prevent this rise in criminal activity? v. 15
Day by day, the rate of crime is increasing, and we need to find what are the causes and solutions in order to prevent further criminal activity. Most of the reasons of climbing up the crime rate are poverty and lack of the consequences of actions. Therefore, the government should think about alternative ways to reduce criminal act. Prevention of crime is the initial step to reduce the crime rate rather than putting the criminal in to jail later. At first, we need to think why criminals go robbing and stealing from others. There may be a lot of answers to this such as poverty, jobless and low income. As consequences, people may start to think about stealing or robbing from the shops or houses which is easier to get money so that they can support their family for food and basic human needs. The solutions for this problem are that the government needs to a better social welfare system to identify the low-income families and give support to them such as providing monthly allowance, health care benefits and free education. By providing monthly allowance, people can support their families for food and home without worrying about starvation. In addition, they can access to good education which can improve or upgrade their skills and can find the job easily. Another cause can be the unaware the consequences of criminal activity such as going to jail or prison. Some people may not afford to go to school because of poor income, so they do not have enough an education background about what is crime and what is going to happen if they committed the criminal act. To prevent this issue, we should educate about crime and its consequences when they are young either at home or school and it is the responsibility of both parents and society. For example, giving punishment to young kids when they take things without permission so that they will learn about their actions by doing things wrongly. In conclusion, poverty and lack of education play a major role in the increasing crime rate. Therefore, the government should emphasize on public education, awareness and reinforce in criminal laws.
Day by day, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
is increasing, and we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to find what are the causes and solutions in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
further
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
activity. Most of the reasons of climbing up the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
are poverty and lack of the consequences of actions.
Therefore
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about alternative ways to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
act.

Prevention of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
is the initial step to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
rather
than putting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
in to jail later. At
first
, we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
go robbing and stealing from others. There may be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
answers to this such as poverty, jobless and low income. As consequences,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about stealing or robbing from the shops or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
which is easier to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can support their family for food and basic human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
. The solutions for this problem are that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
to a better social welfare system to identify the low-income families and give support to them such as providing monthly allowance, health care benefits and free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. By providing monthly allowance,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can support their families for food and home without worrying about starvation.
In addition
, they can access to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
or upgrade their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and can find the job
easily
.

Another cause can be the unaware the consequences of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
activity such as going to jail or prison.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
may not afford to go to school
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of poor income,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
background about what is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
and what is going to happen if they committed the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
act. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
this issue, we should educate about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
and its consequences when they are young either at home or school and it is the responsibility of both parents and society.
For example
, giving punishment to young kids when they take things without permission
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they will learn about their actions by doing things
wrongly
.

In conclusion
, poverty and lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
play a major role in the increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
.
Therefore
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should emphasize on public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, awareness and reinforce in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
laws.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Each year, the crime rate increases. What are the causes of crime and what could be done to prevent this rise in criminal activity? v. 15

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
361 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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