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The only way to solve the increasing crime rate of young offenders is to teach parents better parenting skills. To what extent do you agree? Write at least 250 words. v.9

The only way to solve the increasing crime rate of young offenders is to teach parents better parenting skills. v. 9
Nowadays, teenagers are making their selection in the wrong pathway and end up into doing illegal activities. Some believe that parents skill and supervision have lagged with the behaviour of their children. I mostly agree that the youth has to blame for their own decision and activities, instead of their parents. Firstly, in our world, each individual is educating not only for obtaining knowledge, but also to learn the morality, ethics, discipline and other life-related things. This list itself can make a person go in the right way; parents or other relationship is not needed to teach anything to them. For example, if a person is addicted to drugs, he knows the activity is against the law and could not come out of this activity until the self-correction occurs. So, in the modern period, self-correction is the only way to stop the illegal activities of the teenager. Secondly, the parents are trying to guide their children on the right path, though they educated or not. Until the children expose to the world, they have been properly under the supervision of their parents. For example, a teenager starts to expose to the friend's environment, where he or she begins to do illegal activities by their friend's influence. So the parents cannot take responsibility; instead, the punishment for doing this kind of activities to be extern extreme. The physical or mental punishment will make a person recollect the illegal activities done, and he/she would not repeat it in their life. To conclude, the activities against the law carried by teenagers should not take any responsibility from their parents, and they are maximizing the inputs to grow up their children in a proper way. I believe that self-correction or severe punishment can make the youth to stop doing any illegal activities.
Nowadays,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
are making their selection in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
pathway and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up into doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
illegal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
and supervision have lagged with the
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. I
mostly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the youth
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
blame for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
decision and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
,
instead
of their parents.

Firstly
, in our world, each individual is educating not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for obtaining knowledge,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
to learn the morality, ethics, discipline and other life-related things. This list itself can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a person go in the right way;
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
or other relationship is not needed to teach anything to them.
For example
, if a person
is addicted
to drugs, he knows the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
is against the law and could not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
out of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
until the self-correction occurs.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, in the modern period, self-correction is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
illegal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
.

Secondly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are trying to guide their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
on the right path, though they educated or not. Until the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
expose to the world, they have been
properly
under the supervision of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
For example
, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
to expose to the friend's environment, where he or she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begins
to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
illegal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
by their friend's influence.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
cannot take responsibility;
instead
, the punishment for doing this kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
to be
Possible spelling mistake found.
extern
extreme. The physical or mental punishment will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a person recollect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
illegal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
done, and he/she would not repeat it in their life.

To conclude
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
against the law carried by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
should not take any responsibility from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, and they are maximizing the inputs to grow up their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
Consider replacing "in a proper way" with the adverb for "proper"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a proper way
. I believe that self-correction or severe punishment can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the youth to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
doing any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
illegal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay The only way to solve the increasing crime rate of young offenders is to teach parents better parenting skills. v. 9

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
298 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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