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Extreme sports such as sky diving and skiing are very dangerous and should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view? v.11

Extreme sports such as sky diving and skiing are very dangerous and should be banned. with this view? v. 11
Extreme sports are essentially viewed life threatening by some that they want its access to be prohibited for the public. In my opinion, these types of activities ought to be banned as it influences people in negative ways. A good reason for the prohibition of these kinds of leisure is that it increases the risk of the individuals in getting body injuries. Extreme winter sports in Canada, for instance, have many reported casualties regarding leg and spine fractures due to skiing and snowboarding in the recent years. These injured beings often recover, but some do not fully heal and in need of full assistance to do normal activities during the day. This gives them a lesser chance to live a normal life, lowers their self-esteem and leading them to depression and other mental issues, hence, cutting these wild sports in the market could decrease these risks. Another point to consider is the fact that these activities are very luxurious with the unique gears and suits that are involved. Skydiving, for example, is expensive due to the helicopter ride, appropriate outfits and parachute needed to accomplish one whole experience. A lot of people say that it is very exciting and adventurous, but many also agree that they go home afterwards with empty pockets. This just adds to the financial burden of people, which can later on cause more liabilities; thus, it should not be supported. In conclusion, banning of extreme sports should be pushed forward as it brings greater danger to the population’s health and financial well being.
Extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are
essentially
viewed life threatening by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that they want its access to
be prohibited
for the public. In my opinion, these types of activities ought to
be banned
as it influences
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
ways.

A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
reason for the prohibition of these kinds of leisure is that it increases the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of the individuals in getting body injuries. Extreme winter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
in Canada,
for instance
, have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reported casualties regarding leg and spine fractures due to skiing and snowboarding in the recent years. These injured beings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
recover,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
do not
fully
heal and in need of full assistance to do normal activities during the day. This gives them a lesser chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a normal life, lowers their self-esteem and leading them to depression and other mental issues,
hence
, cutting these wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
in the market could decrease these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
.

Another point to consider is the fact that these activities are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
luxurious with the unique gears and suits that
are involved
. Skydiving,
for example
, is expensive due to the helicopter ride, appropriate outfits and parachute needed to accomplish one whole experience.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
A lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
say that it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
exciting and adventurous,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that they go home afterwards with empty pockets. This
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
adds
to the financial burden of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, which can later on cause more liabilities;
thus
, it should not
be supported
.

In conclusion
, banning of extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
should
be pushed
forward as it brings greater
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
to the population’s health and financial
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well being
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
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Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay Extreme sports such as sky diving and skiing are very dangerous and should be banned. with this view? v. 11

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
257 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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