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Explain the concept of Illusion of Transparency using the example discussed in the lecture. v.1

Explain the concept of Illusion of Transparency using the example discussed in the lecture. v. 1
Nowadays, it is true that young people work and study in metropolitan areas, and therefore leave their countryside family houses. The reasons of rural migration are manifold and people tend to think of this as a great advantage, but there are also drawbacks, I would argue that there are far more benefits. The main drawback of the trend towards leaving the hinterlands is the exponential population growth in the cities which hits the cities’ infrastructure severely. Therefore, the high number of inhabitants leads to congestion and pollution in city centres. Building new public transport routes cannot compete with rapid growth of population. There is not only a problem with the different transport systems in the cities, but also with a high demand on the real estate market. Despite the negatives mentioned above, I believe that urbanization is a positive development for various reasons. Firstly, most of the universities are located in cities and these universities attract ambitious students who want to receive higher degrees. The major advantage gained is the remarkable rise in the numbers of university graduates which ultimately increases the society’s education level. Secondly, the job market in cities is more active and therefore, it is much easier for professionals to find employment there compared to rural areas where economic activities are limited. Hence, cities allow more people to have better jobs and enhance their financial conditions. In conclusion, while I recognise the possible disadvantages of leaving rural areas, I consider it to be a positive development overall. Most of the people in rural areas tend to move to big cities for reasons related to their career and their education.
Nowadays, it is true that young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
work and study in metropolitan
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
, and
therefore
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their countryside family
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
. The reasons of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
migration are manifold and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
of this as a great advantage,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are
also
drawbacks, I would argue that there are far more benefits.

The main drawback of the trend towards leaving the hinterlands is the exponential population growth in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
which hits the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities’
infrastructure
severely
.
Therefore
, the high number of inhabitants leads to congestion and pollution in city
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
. Building new public transport routes cannot compete with rapid growth of population. There is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a problem with the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
transport systems in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
with a high demand on the real estate market.

Despite the negatives mentioned above, I believe that urbanization is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development for various reasons.
Firstly
, most of the universities
are located
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
and these universities attract ambitious students who want to receive higher degrees. The major advantage gained is the remarkable rise in the numbers of university graduates which
ultimately
increases the society’s education level.
Secondly
, the job market in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
is more active and
therefore
, it is much easier for professionals to find employment there compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
where economic activities
are limited
.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to have better jobs and enhance their financial conditions.

In conclusion
, while I
Possible spelling mistake. 'recognise' is British English.
recognise
the possible disadvantages of leaving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
, I consider it to be a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development
overall
. Most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
for reasons related to their career and their education.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Explain the concept of Illusion of Transparency using the example discussed in the lecture. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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