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Explain how the examples of tying shoes and learning to type demonstrate the principle of audience effects. v.2

Explain how the examples of tying shoes and learning to type demonstrate the principle of audience effects. v. 2
In the modern era of computers and artificial intelligence, aeronautical engineering is developing at a rapid pace. In the cut throat competition among the countries, the government is spending millions in order to come first in this never ending race. Although, many may consider it a positive phenomenon, it is not a trend without drawbacks. In this essay, we will discuss both sides of the coin before any conclusion can be drawn. Firstly, scientists are burning their midnight oil to find life on another planet. The universe seems an unsolved puzzle to the scientists, who claims that learning about alien civilisation is very important to understand the evolution of the mankind. For example, while looking for other civilizations, we came to understand other star systems and their mechanisms. Also, new inventions plays an important role in the development of the country. For example, Chandarayan mission by India, to understand the life on the Moon, was successfully accomplished in 2016. India has become the first country to reach the Moon and get recognition all over the world. Secondly, it is widely held belief among large sections of the people, that money should be spent more on correcting the problems of the public on earth. Nowadays, society is struggling with a lot of problems such as population, pollution, deforestation and other natural habitats going extinct. The Government should concentrate more on solving these problems and to find solutions to improve them rather than wasting resources on discovering life on other planets. For example, there are many such missions also which get failed drastically, resulting huge loss to the aeronautical sector. Furthermore, there is no point in discovering life on another planet, if we cannot maintain life on the planet we live in. Countries are spending millions to discover something we do not even know exist. To conclude, I strongly believe that government should concentrate on present situations rather than wasting time and energy to discover life for the future. We can join hands to improve our planet instead of looking for another planet to live in. Youngsters should join groups and communities to solve country's problems and to make it a better place.
In the modern era of computers and artificial intelligence, aeronautical engineering is developing at a rapid pace. In the
'cut throat' seems to be a compound adjective in front of a noun. Use a hyphen: "cut-throat".
cut throat
competition among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
is spending millions in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
first
in this never ending race. Although,
Possible agreement error. The noun may seems to be uncountable; consider using: "much may", "a good deal of may".
many may
consider it a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
phenomenon, it is not a trend without drawbacks. In this essay, we will discuss both sides of the coin
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
any conclusion can
be drawn
.

Firstly
, scientists are burning their midnight oil to find
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
on another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
planet
. The universe seems an unsolved puzzle to the scientists, who claims that learning about alien
Possible spelling mistake. 'civilisation' is British English.
civilisation
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to understand the evolution of the mankind.
For example
, while looking for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
Do not mix variants of the same word ('civilization' and 'civilisation') within a single text.
civilizations
, we came to understand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
star systems and their mechanisms.
Also
, new inventions plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in the development of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
For example
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Chandarayan
mission by India, to understand the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
on the Moon, was
successfully
accomplished in 2016. India has become the
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to reach the Moon and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
recognition all over the world.

Secondly
, it is
widely
held belief among large sections of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, that money should
be spent
more on correcting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
of the public on earth. Nowadays, society is struggling with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
such as population, pollution, deforestation and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
natural habitats going extinct. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
should concentrate more on solving these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
and to find solutions to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
them
rather
than wasting resources on discovering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
planets
.
For example
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
such missions
also
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
failed
drastically
, resulting huge loss to the aeronautical sector.
Furthermore
, there is no point in discovering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
on another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
planet
, if we cannot maintain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
planet
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Countries
are spending millions to discover something we do not even know exist.

To conclude
, I
strongly
believe that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should concentrate on present situations
rather
than wasting time and energy to discover
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
for the future. We can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
hands to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
planet
instead
of looking for another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
planet
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in. Youngsters should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
groups and communities to solve country's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it a better place.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages know nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay Explain how the examples of tying shoes and learning to type demonstrate the principle of audience effects. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
361 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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