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explain how the example of tying shoes and learning to type demonstrate the principle of the audience effects. v.1

explain how the example of tying shoes and learning to type demonstrate the principle of the audience effects. v. 1
Visibility of violence in media is increasing each day. While some people opine that the television series and digital games full of violence have a detrimental impact on the community around us, others claim that there is hardly any danger to the society. I believe that violence in the media does influence a lot of people’s conduct and actions, especially children. Firstly, I think that many people have a tendency to idolize their favourite actors. This makes them blindly follow their acts and behaviour, which is shown on screen. This is majorly seen in the younger age group between 10-16 years because they demonstrate a strong inclination towards their on screen role models. If the popular celebrities are shown flaunting a gun in their hand or indulging in an action scene, their fans get influenced and consider it as an upbeat culture. Afterwards, similar characteristics are seen in their own behaviour and conduct. Secondly, playing computer games like PUBG, Minecraft, GTA is another hot potato. Since these games have made use of networking, which makes people sitting in different parts of the world connect with each other, so the youngsters remain engrossed in the game throughout. If people spend eighty percent of the day in playing such violent games, gets naturally imbibed in their behaviour. However, just as a coin has two sides, media violence is no exception. If the media shows violent scenes, many series make sure that the moral at the end is against violent activities. Moreover, the majority of people are aware of the pros and cons of media. This is why, they filter their thoughts based on what is right and what is wrong. Finally, their acts depend on their own thoughts and upbringing and not because of watching any violent scene in a television or playing a violent game. In a nutshell, I conclude saying that violence in the media does have a big impact on people’s behaviour. Undoubtedly, there are many factors which influence a person’s character, but because of the current electronic age, people spend maximum amount of their time using media. So, they do get influenced by what is shown in there.
Visibility of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
is increasing each day. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
opine that the television series and digital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
full of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
have a detrimental impact on
Consider using "the surrounding community".
the community around us
, others claim that there is hardly any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
to the society. I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
does influence
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
conduct and actions,
especially
children.

Firstly
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a tendency to idolize their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
actors. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them
blindly
follow their acts and
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
, which
is shown
on screen. This is
majorly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in the younger age group between 10-16 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they demonstrate a strong inclination towards their on screen role models. If the popular celebrities
are shown
flaunting a gun in their hand or indulging in an action scene, their fans
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
influenced and consider it as an upbeat culture. Afterwards, similar characteristics are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
and conduct.
Secondly
, playing computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
like PUBG, Minecraft, GTA is another hot potato. Since these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
have made
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of networking, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
sitting in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
parts of the world connect with each other,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the youngsters remain engrossed in the game throughout. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend eighty percent of the day in playing such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
naturally
imbibed in their
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.

However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
as a coin has two sides,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
is no exception. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
scenes,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
series
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure that the moral at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
is against
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
activities.
Moreover
, the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are aware of the pros and cons of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
. This is why, they filter their thoughts based on what is right and what is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
.
Finally
, their acts depend on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
thoughts and upbringing and not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of watching any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
scene in a television or playing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
game.

In a nutshell, I conclude saying that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
does have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.
Undoubtedly
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
factors which influence a person’s character,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
electronic age,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend maximum amount of their time using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
influenced by what
is shown
in there.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay explain how the example of tying shoes and learning to type demonstrate the principle of the audience effects. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
360 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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