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Experts say older people were happier and healthier in the past because they did more exercise and spent more time with family and friends whereas many now suffer from loneliness and health problems What are the cause of this and what are some solutions v.6

Experts say older people were happier and healthier in the past because they did more exercise and spent more time with family and friends whereas many now suffer from loneliness and health problems What are the cause of this and what are some solutions v. 6
In certain parts of the globe, trials involving criminal activities are broadcasted for the general public which offers several advantages as well as disadvantages. Through this essay, I would like to draw attention on both the pros and cons of such a method, and give my opinion on the fact whether doing so has more advantages than disadvantages. Depicting criminal trials offers numerous benefits. Firstly, it helps in promoting transparency in the legal system by bringing victims of crime to justice and that no one individual is an exempt from the law and legal proceedings. For example, the execution of Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein was demonstrated on television to make people aware that atrocious acts will not be overlooked. Secondly, it strengthens the faith and trust that citizens have put in the legal system and ultimately constitution. The citizens can live peacefully without having concern about violence, and become sure that their tax money is in good hands. By showcasing the trial, it gives governments of respective countries an opportunity to foster cooperation with their citizens and win their hearts, and in certain cases might help in furthering ties with other nations. However, any method is not without its fair share of flaws. Depicting horrendous trials might have detrimental effects on children. They become aware of how cruel the world can get when all they deserve is affection and lively atmosphere where they can evolve, grow and learn new things. Secondly, if the convicted individual has siphoned off huge portion of money either overseas or in funding for bad causes or organizations who don’t care about the good will of individuals, it might be colossal damage to national wealth as government would then have to step in and print new money and devalue home currency. To conclude, there are both benefits as well as drawbacks of criminal trials being showcased to the public, but I definitely believe that advantages outstrip disadvantages.
In certain parts of the globe,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trials
involving criminal activities
are broadcasted
for the
Consider using "public".
general public
which offers several advantages
as well
as disadvantages. Through this essay, I would like to draw attention on both the pros and cons of such a method, and give my opinion on the fact whether doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
has more advantages than disadvantages.

Depicting criminal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trials
offers numerous benefits.
Firstly
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in promoting transparency in the legal system by bringing victims of crime to justice and that no one individual is an exempt from the law and legal proceedings.
For example
, the execution of Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein
was demonstrated
on television to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
aware that atrocious acts will not
be overlooked
.
Secondly
, it strengthens the faith and trust that citizens have put in the legal system and
ultimately
constitution. The citizens can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
peacefully
without having concern about violence, and become sure that their tax money is in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
hands. By showcasing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trial
, it gives
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
of respective countries an opportunity to foster cooperation with their citizens and win their hearts, and in certain cases might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in furthering ties with other nations.

However
, any method is not without its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
share of flaws. Depicting horrendous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trials
might have detrimental effects on children. They become aware of how cruel the world can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
when all they deserve is affection and lively atmosphere where they can evolve, grow and learn new things.
Secondly
, if the convicted individual has siphoned off huge portion of money either overseas or in funding for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
causes or organizations who don’t care about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
will of individuals, it might be colossal damage to national wealth as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
would then
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
step in and print new money and devalue home currency.

To conclude
, there are both benefits
Probable usage error. Use "and" after 'both'.
as well as
drawbacks of criminal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trials
being showcased
to the public,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I definitely believe that advantages outstrip disadvantages.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
A different language is a different vision of life.
Federico Fellini

IELTS essay Experts say older people were happier and healthier in the past because they did more exercise and spent more time with family and friends whereas many now suffer from loneliness and health problems What are the cause of this and what are some solutions v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
321 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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