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Every vietnamese individual need to start up to contribute significantly to the country Do you agree or disagree v.1

Every vietnamese individual need to start up to contribute significantly to the country v. 1
It is a bitter truth that lots of people are suffering from chronic diseases like blood pressure, obesity due to overweight. There are myriad reasons behind this deplorable condition. This essay will highlight some major causes and provide a few solutions to overcome from it. However, doctors don't diagnose the disease in time and make huge concern in near future. Is overweight only responsible for any individual's health? First of all, lack of physical activity in daily routine is a primary reason for the overweight issue. Moreover, technology and automation revolution make people's life effortless. People like to travel by using motorbike instead of bicycle which will make them more physically fit. In other words, adolescents have been more addicted for fast food such as Chinese food while adults are more focus on normal diet due to disorder and they are only interested in rudimentary meals. On the other hand, society has been organised various health camps, but people are not interested to attend and take it lightly but this will helpful for their health not others. For example, in India, the government has conducted various programs for everyone, but it is not only any individual responsibility. In conclusion, overweight is a serious issue, but it can be controlled by taking appropriate action and spread awareness for healthy environment. Nowadays, there are some many options are available in the market for fitness and most of the people have already started to make their remaining life happy. According to me, Everyone's understanding is obligatory and take proper medicine before making it major concern in the future.
It is a bitter truth that lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are suffering from chronic diseases like blood pressure, obesity due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overweight
. There are myriad reasons behind this deplorable condition. This essay will highlight
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
major causes and provide a few solutions to overcome from it.
However
, doctors don't diagnose the disease in time and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
huge concern in near future. Is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overweight
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
responsible for any individual's health?

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, lack of physical activity in daily routine is a primary reason for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overweight
issue.
Moreover
, technology and automation revolution
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's life effortless.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
like to travel by using motorbike
instead
of bicycle which will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
them more
physically
fit.
In other words
, adolescents have been more addicted for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food such as Chinese food while adults are more focus on normal diet due to
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
disorder and
they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
interested in rudimentary meals.

On the other hand
, society has been
Possible spelling mistake. 'organised' is British English.
organised
various health camps,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not interested to attend and take it
lightly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this will helpful for their health not others.
For example
, in India, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
has conducted various programs for everyone,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
any individual responsibility.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overweight
is a serious issue,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it can
be controlled
by taking appropriate action and spread awareness for healthy environment. Nowadays, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
options are available in the market for fitness and most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have already
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
their remaining life happy.
This phrase can sound awkward in English. Consider using "in my opinion" or "I think".
According to me
,

Everyone'
The verb 'understanding' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
s understanding
is obligatory and take proper medicine
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
making it major concern in the future.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
We should learn languages because language is the only thing worth knowing even poorly.
Kató Lomb

IELTS essay Every vietnamese individual need to start up to contribute significantly to the country v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
265 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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