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art is considered an essential part of all culture the word however these days fever and we were people appreciate art and turn their focus of Science and technology and business why do you think that what could be done to encourage more people to take in v.1

art is considered an essential part of all culture the word however these days fever and we were people appreciate art and turn their focus of Science and technology and business why do you think that what could be done to encourage more people to take in v. 1
We have witnessed the rapid advancement of technology in the society. It is argued that newspapers are the best source of news, while others think new on the internet is better. In my perspective, I think both statements are reasonable and will elaborate below. There are certainly some benefits of reading newspaper. One of the merit is that high standard of language of newspapers. By simply reading newspapers from daily basis, one can master a wide range of vocabulary and grammar. consequently, individuals who read newspapers, are able to understand more quickly about the articles. Another benefit is that individuals are able to read it anytime. During the break time, employees can relax and enjoy on cafe by reading newspapers. This also can help people to kill time when they are waiting for their colleagues. However, there are opposing voices saying that the news presented better on television or the internet. To begin with, reporters on television are persuasive. When reporters are reporting some breaking news, local citizens generally pay more attention because reporters have good voices and speak fluent English. Apart from this, news is free to access to the internet. By simply browsing news on the ABC news website, people are able to read latest news immediately instead of spending few dollars on newspaper from stores. This helps the local resident to save money. In conclusion, some people prefer to read newspaper while others enjoy watching television and browsing news on the internet. I still think that people should read more newspaper because it helps people to enhance their standard of English and can have quick understanding.
We have witnessed the rapid advancement of technology in the society. It
is argued
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspapers
are the best source of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
, while others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
on the internet is better. In my perspective, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
both statements are reasonable and will elaborate below.

There are
certainly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits of reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspaper
. One of the merit is that high standard of language of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspapers
. By
simply
reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspapers
from daily basis, one can master a wide range of vocabulary and grammar.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
consequently
, individuals who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
read
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspapers
, are able to understand more
quickly
about the articles. Another benefit is that individuals are able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
read
it anytime. During the break time, employees can relax and enjoy on
'cafe' is an imported foreign expression, which originally has a diacritic. Consider using "café"
cafe
by reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspapers
. This
also
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to kill time when they are waiting for their colleagues.

However
, there are opposing voices saying that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
presented better on television or the internet. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, reporters on television are persuasive. When reporters are reporting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
breaking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
, local citizens
generally
pay more attention
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
reporters have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
voices and speak fluent English. Apart from this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
is free to access to the internet. By
simply
browsing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
on the ABC
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
website,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
read
A determiner is probably missing here: "the latest".
latest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
immediately
instead
of spending few dollars on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspaper
from stores. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the local resident to save money.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
read
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspaper
while others enjoy watching television and browsing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
on the internet. I
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
read
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspaper
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to enhance their standard of English and can have quick understanding.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay art is considered an essential part of all culture the word however these days fever and we were people appreciate art and turn their focus of Science and technology and business why do you think that what could be done to encourage more people to take in v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
269 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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