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Every culture throughout time has recorded its history in one way or another in what ways can history be passed on to the next generation Why is history important to society v.2

Every culture throughout time has recorded its history in one way or another in what ways can history be passed on to the next generation Why is history important to society v. 2
Some people believe that schools are not teaching enough to teenagers regarding to health topics. I disagree with this statement because in school curriculum focus on various tips on well-being and introduced sports activities. To begin with, there are several tips related to health in the school's timetable for young one. This all information on adolescent fitness which makes younger one to fit and healthy by giving details about hand hygiene. For example, faculty conducted seminars on hand hygiene, which teach how to wash hands in following steps, it includes 8 steps to make hand clear. As a result, youth learn the importance of well-being and may they will tell their parents at home, also their friends circle. Furthermore, school makes healthy food in their cafeteria where institution's students eat hygienic food and they also make them fit. Moreover, other positive things in the form of introducing sports sessions for the school's pupil. In addition to other words, sports make students physically fit and powerful, it increases stamina and physical as well as mental strength, which enhances the thinking process also. As a consequence, young person gets a high fitness level and improve the intellectual level. To add to this, students also learn which sports game require what kind of diet, so there are given numerous diet plans according to play by school's organizations. In conclusion, the department teaches a radical approach to young students in regard to physical health as implementation of sports games and timetable on special lectures on it. This will be more needed in future life because of the sedentary lifestyle of institute pupils.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that schools are not teaching
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
The phrase 'regarding to' is not correct. Use "regarding" or "regard to".
regarding to
health topics. I disagree with this statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in school curriculum focus on various tips on well-being and introduced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
activities.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are several tips related to health in the school's timetable for young one. This all information on adolescent fitness which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
younger one to fit and healthy by giving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hand
hygiene.
For example
, faculty conducted seminars on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hand
hygiene, which teach how to wash
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hands
in following steps, it includes 8 steps to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hand
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
.
As a result
, youth learn the importance of well-being and may they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
their parents at home,
also
their friends circle.
Furthermore
, school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
healthy food in their cafeteria where institution's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
eat hygienic
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
food and
they
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
them fit.

Moreover
, other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
things in the form of introducing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
sessions for the school's pupil.
In addition
to other words,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
physically
fit and powerful, it increases stamina and physical
as well
as mental strength, which enhances the thinking process
also
. As a consequence, young person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
a high fitness level and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the intellectual level. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
to this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
also
learn which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
game require what kind of diet,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
there are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
numerous diet plans according to play by school's organizations.

In conclusion
, the department teaches a radical approach to young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in regard to physical health as implementation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
games and timetable on special lectures on it. This will be more needed in future life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the sedentary lifestyle of institute pupils.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay Every culture throughout time has recorded its history in one way or another in what ways can history be passed on to the next generation Why is history important to society v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
268 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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