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Every country should have a free health service, even if this means that the latest medical treatments may not be available through the service because they are too expensive. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.29

Every country should have a free health service, even if this means that the latest medical treatments may not be available through the service because they are too expensive. v. 29
Governments all around the world invest a lot of money towards public health services, to make medical care cheap and easily accessible to the common public. However, certain treatments are quite expensive and may not be covered within the government's health insurance scheme. In spite of peer demand to make well-being services free for all, in my opinion, the government should strive to provide all possible treatment facilities to its citizens, rather than aiming for cost free fitness services. Many, on one hand, would argue that since they are paying their share of taxes towards the administration, it is their responsibility to provide easy, accessible and free medical services as a part of public service. Because, doing so, would enable the poorer sections of the society to take medical assistance and stay fit. For example, the Canadian Government has launched it's own public health insurance scheme under which all its citizens are entitled to free hospitalization. However, making these services free, at the cost of less advance medical techniques, is unwise. Due to the rapid development in the field of medical science, many new and advance methods of testing, diagnosis and medication have been developed and previously incurable diseases can now be cured. However, this research comes at a high price tag. The governments should work towards bringing such technologies in their countries so that its citizen can benefit out of it. For instance, after the US developed a cure for the cancer, the Indian Government hastily worked towards bringing the machinery for treatment in the country and installed them in four of its its premier hospitals so that the public can reap its benefits. In summary, even though the taxpayer community of the country must be entitled to free well-being services, depriving them from the latest methods of medication, just because they are expensive, is not at all agreeable. In my opinion, it is much more important for the authorities to work towards providing all available forms of medical help for the people, rather than making it cost free.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Governments
all around the world invest
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
care
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
and
easily
accessible to the common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
.
However
, certain treatments are quite expensive and may not
be covered
within the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
's health insurance scheme.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
In spite of
peer demand to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
well-being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
for all, in my opinion, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should strive to provide all possible treatment facilities to its citizens,
rather
than aiming for cost
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
fitness services.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
, on one hand, would argue that since they are paying their share of taxes towards the administration, it is their responsibility to provide easy, accessible and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
as a part of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
, doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, would enable the poorer sections of the society to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
assistance and stay fit.
For example
, the Canadian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
has launched
Did you mean "its" (possessive pronoun) instead of 'it's' (=it is)?
it's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
health insurance scheme under which all its citizens
are entitled
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
hospitalization.
However
, making these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
, at the cost of less advance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
techniques, is unwise.

Due to the rapid development in the field of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
science,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
new and advance methods of testing, diagnosis and medication have
been developed
and previously incurable diseases can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
be cured
.
However
, this research
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
at a high price tag. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should work towards bringing such technologies in their countries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that its citizen can benefit out of it.
For instance
, after the US developed a cure for the cancer, the Indian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
hastily
worked towards bringing the machinery for treatment in the country and installed them in four of
Possible typo: you repeated a word
its its
premier hospitals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
can reap its benefits.

In summary,
even though
the taxpayer community of the country
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be entitled
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
well-being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
,
The usual collocation for "depriving" is "of" not "them". Did you mean "depriving them of"?
depriving them from
the latest methods of medication,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are expensive, is not at all agreeable. In my opinion, it is much more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for the authorities to work towards providing all available forms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
rather
than making it cost
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Every country should have a free health service, even if this means that the latest medical treatments may not be available through the service because they are too expensive. v. 29

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
340 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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