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Even though doctors all over the world agree that fast food is bad for people's health, more and more people are eating it. Why are more people eating fast food? What can be done about this problem? (Rewrite) v.5

Even though doctors all over the world agree that fast food is bad for people's health, more and more people are eating it. Why are more people eating fast food? What can be done about this problem? (Rewrite) v. 5
Fast food has been prevalent since last century. However, eating fast food would take a heavy toll on human health. Although many doctors around the world are firmly consent that fast food is unhealthy to people’s health, the number of people eating it is on the rise. In the following essays, I would elaborate certain reasons for this serious situation and provide some viable solutions to it. First and foremost, fast food is convenient for people. Having fast food for dinner or lunch often saves great amount of time for people who are swamped with work. Hence, people who are overwhelmed by the massive workload could have sufficient time to finish their daily tasks. A case in point is that many employees in Taiwan have a tendency of having “McDonald’s” for dinner. As a result, people opt the fast food for meals in order to save their time for working. In addition to saving time, another reason for increasing number of people having fast food is rooted in the prevailing advertisement. The adverts often convey the tempting message for the consumer in order to attract more population. To demonstrate, the dynamic adverts of “KFC” broadcasted on the television show appealing image of the fast food, and inform viewers on the promotion of discount recently. In this case, people succumb to the temptation of adverts and therefore, deciding to enjoy the fast food. To remedy this problem, it is imperative that the authorities should impose the tax on the unhealthy food such as French fries and fried chicken. Moreover, the government should strictly curtail the number of advertisements of the fast food to preventing more and more people from being tempted. By way of conclusion, as argued above, even though eating fast food brings advantage for people such as saving valuable time, it is of vitally importance that the government should curb the rising number of people having fast food by effective measures as far as health is concerned.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
has been prevalent since last century.
However
, eating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
would take a heavy toll on human health. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
doctors around the world are
firmly
consent that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is unhealthy to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
health, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
eating it is on the rise. In the following essays, I would elaborate certain reasons for this serious situation and provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
viable solutions to it.

First
and foremost,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is convenient for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
for dinner or lunch
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
saves great amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
are swamped
with work.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
are overwhelmed
by the massive workload could have sufficient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to finish their daily tasks. A case in point is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
employees in Taiwan have a tendency of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
“McDonald’s” for dinner.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
opt the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
for meals in order to save their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for working.

In addition
to saving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, another reason for increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is rooted
in the prevailing advertisement. The adverts
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
convey the tempting message for the consumer in order to attract more population. To demonstrate, the dynamic adverts of “KFC” broadcasted on the television
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
appealing image of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, and inform viewers on the promotion of discount recently.
In this case
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
succumb to the temptation of adverts and
therefore
, deciding to enjoy the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
food.

To remedy this problem, it is imperative that the authorities should impose the tax on the unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
such as French fries and fried chicken.
Moreover
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
strictly
curtail the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of advertisements of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
to preventing more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
being tempted
.

By way of conclusion, as argued above,
even though
eating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
brings advantage for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
such as saving valuable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, it is of
vitally
importance that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should curb the rising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
by effective measures as far as health
is concerned
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
48Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Even though doctors all over the world agree that fast food is bad for people's health, more and more people are eating it. Why are more people eating fast food? What can be done about this problem? (Rewrite) v. 5

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
328 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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