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Establishing good relationships in the workplace is not important, as the primary goal of every person is to focus on work. To what extent do you agree with this statement? v.1

Establishing good relationships in the workplace is not important, as the primary goal of every person is to focus on work. v. 1
It has been claimed that like smoking, mobile phones should be banned in some places due to their harmful effects. While I accept that the use of mobile phones is antisocial in some ways, I believe it has more benefits and therefore should not be prohibited. On the one hand, I agree that the use of mobile phones can sometimes be antisocial. Firstly, these devices might disturb people’s work or study in some cases. For example, the sound of a mobile phone can interrupt a lecture, which affects the concentration of students. Secondly, the use of mobile phones also adversely impacts communication between people. Since individuals currently tend to spend too much time using mobile phones, they seem to have less time to interact with others. On the other hand, I disagree that mobile phones should be banned because of some reasons. The first one is that since they allow people who live far away from each other to speak or send messages, they help people keep in touch more easily. For instance, students who study abroad can use mobile phones to make phone calls or even video calls with their family. The second reason is that mobile phones often provide users with many useful applications such as maps and weather forecast, which can make people’s lives become easier. Additionally, using mobile phones is not as bad as smoking as some people think. While smoking directly affects people’s health and leads to health problems, the negative influences of mobile phones are less serious. In conclusion, while i agree that mobile phones are sometimes anisocial, i believe they should not be banned.
It has
been claimed
that like smoking, mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
should
be banned
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
places due to their harmful effects. While I accept that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
is antisocial in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ways, I believe it has more benefits and
therefore
should not
be prohibited
.

On the one hand, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
be antisocial.
Firstly
, these devices might disturb
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
work or study in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases.
For example
, the sound of a mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
can interrupt a lecture, which affects the concentration of students.
Secondly
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
also
adversely
impacts communication between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Since individuals
currently
tend to spend too much time using mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
, they seem to have less time to interact with others.

On the other hand
, I disagree that mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
should
be banned
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons. The
first
one is that since they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
far away from each other to speak or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
messages, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
in touch more
easily
.
For instance
, students who study abroad can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
calls or even video calls with their family. The second reason is that mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
provide users with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
useful applications such as maps and weather forecast, which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
become easier.
Additionally
, using mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
is not as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
as smoking as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
. While smoking
directly
affects
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
health and leads to health problems, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
influences of mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
are less serious.

In conclusion
, while
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
Possible spelling mistake found.
anisocial
,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
believe they should not
be banned
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Establishing good relationships in the workplace is not important, as the primary goal of every person is to focus on work. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
271 words
7.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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