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ESTABLISHING GOOD RELATIONSHIPS AT THE WORKPLACE IS NOT IMPORTANT AS THE PRIMARY GOAL OF every person is to focus on the work. To what extent do you agree? v.1

ESTABLISHING GOOD RELATIONSHIPS AT THE WORKPLACE IS NOT IMPORTANT AS THE PRIMARY GOAL OF every person is to focus on the work. v. 1
A positive relation among colleagues is not required, as the prime task is to focus on the work. I completely agree with this statement as it emotionally destabilizes and it is a source of distraction. People who work together often develop sentimental attachments to each other. These feelings are detrimental to professional life. As an illustration, the chief resident in our hospital cannot take actions against his favourite person. This leads to biased opinions which is harmful to the whole team and the organization. Therefore, close relations at the workplace deters a person to act professionally without taking biased decisions. Furthermore, establishing a good relationship at the workplace is not important because the main focus should be on the work. These relationships are the main cause of a decline in the productivity, as they are distractions. For instance, the colleague demands precious time such as having lunch together or they need assistance in their work. This leads to distraction from the original tasks and consequently the productivity is affected. Thus, instead of focusing on the main goal of working efficiently and trying to achieve their own goals in their career, people tend to get distracted by the feelings of other companions. To conclude, the utmost preference at workplace is to focus on the own work rather than establishing relationships. I completely agree that attachments with companions possess a huge negative impact on our feelings and it is a distraction. This trend of emphasizing on the work will increase in the foreseeable future.
A
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
relation among colleagues is not required, as the prime task is to focus on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement as it
emotionally
destabilizes and it is a source of distraction.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
together
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
develop sentimental attachments to each other. These feelings are detrimental to professional life. As an illustration, the chief resident in our hospital cannot take actions against his
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
person. This leads to biased opinions which is harmful to the whole team and the organization.
Therefore
, close relations at the workplace deters a person to act
professionally
without taking biased decisions.

Furthermore
, establishing a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
relationship at the workplace is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the main focus should be on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. These relationships are the main cause of a decline in the productivity, as they are distractions.
For instance
, the colleague demands precious time such as having lunch
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
together or
they need assistance in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. This leads to distraction from the original tasks and
consequently
the productivity is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
.
Thus
,
instead
of focusing on the main goal of working
efficiently
and trying to achieve their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
goals in their career,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
distracted by the feelings of other companions.

To conclude
, the utmost preference at workplace is to focus on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
rather
than establishing relationships. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that attachments with companions possess a huge
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on our feelings and it is a distraction. This trend of emphasizing on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
will increase in the foreseeable future.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay ESTABLISHING GOOD RELATIONSHIPS AT THE WORKPLACE IS NOT IMPORTANT AS THE PRIMARY GOAL OF every person is to focus on the work. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
252 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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