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Bringing in foreign workers to fill positions that domestic workers are unwilling to do can cause problems in the local community and should therefore be stopped. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.4

Bringing in foreign workers to fill positions that domestic workers are unwilling to do can cause problems in the local community and should therefore be stopped. v. 4
It is quite obvious that the employment of workers from another nation has aroused a lot of people's interest and discussions around it. People have actually differed about it. A group of people claims that, this action is more beneficiary for business, whilst others firmly have another point of view, as they believe that, such process will result in issues in local society. This essay will deal with both diverse views, in order to reach the most appropriate one. On one hand, individuals have a concept of hiring foreign workers, and they have their causes. Firstly, the salaries of these employees are much less than the domestic ones, besides, they have the willing and the enthusiasm to do a lot of work. Moreover, they tend to proof that, they have the capabilities for such jobs, therefore, they can get paid increment which is the main reason for them. For example, when a multinational company post a vacancy about particular title, they receive an enormous amount of applications. They may choose a candidate with a different nationality, because of the low wage. Nevertheless, another group of people holds an opposite principle, and it has its own reasons. First, local workers have the skills to do any kind of job, all what they need is an appreciation, in addition, they can be managers, just be more training. For instance, national organizations may pay more for the ongoing training of workers and that are calculated from the expenses of these companies. To summarize, although both views seem convincing, as each one of them has its own logic rationale. Yet, I totally agree with the last opinion, which states that, the action of foreigner employment have to stop and selection of workers should be from the local public.
It is quite obvious that the employment of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
from another nation has aroused
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's interest and
Did you mean "discussions about"?
discussions around
it.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
have actually differed about it. A group of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
claims that, this action is more beneficiary for business, whilst others
firmly
have another point of view, as they believe that, such process will result in issues in local society. This essay will deal with both diverse views, in order to reach the most appropriate one.

On one hand, individuals have a concept of hiring foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
, and they have their causes.
Firstly
, the salaries of these employees are much less than the domestic ones,
besides
, they have the willing and the enthusiasm to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
work.
Moreover
, they tend to proof that, they have the capabilities for such jobs,
therefore
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
paid increment which is the main reason for them.
For example
, when a multinational
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
post a vacancy about particular title, they receive an enormous amount of applications. They may choose a candidate with a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
nationality,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the low wage.

Nevertheless
, another group of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
holds an opposite principle, and it has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
reasons.
First
, local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
have the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to do any kind of job, all what they need is an appreciation,
in addition
, they can be managers,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
be more training.
For instance
, national organizations may pay more for the ongoing training of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
and that
are calculated
from the expenses of these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.

To summarize
, although both views seem convincing, as each one of them has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
logic rationale.
Yet
, I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the last opinion, which states that, the action of foreigner employment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
and selection of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
should be from the local public.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
The limits of my language mean the limits of my world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay Bringing in foreign workers to fill positions that domestic workers are unwilling to do can cause problems in the local community and should therefore be stopped. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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