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Scientists believe that computers will become more intelligent than human beings. Some people find it a positive development while others think it is negative development. Discuss both points and give your own opinion. v.4

Scientists believe that computers will become more intelligent than human beings. Some people find it a positive development while others think it is negative development. v. 4
Computers are gradually replacing the role of humans in every sector. Scientists believe that computers will become more resourceful than man. It is debated whether such development is advantageous or has drawbacks. In my opinion, there should be a moderation to the work done by computer in companies. On the one hand, the use of computer based technology has improved the health sector of many countries. Health care is considered a necessity to the society. To illustrate, so many computer controlled equipment has been employed to develop this sector. Also, many surgeons now use robots to carry our surgeries on people. This has proved to be a more precise and accurate way of performing surgery on people. Therefore, the use of computers has been beneficial to health services. Secondly, in agriculture today, computers have aided the increase of genetic modification food. For instance, Scientists have successfully produced more species of food and made food available in large quantity with the knowledge of computers. Therefore, food production has expanded with the use of this technology. On the other hand, there will be increased unemployment if the services of computers are used in a greater proportion. The services of people will no longer be needed in companies as work will easily be done by computers. To clarify, most manufacturing companies use only computer and require little human help. Because of this, the rate of unemployment will be at its peak. In conclusion, while people vary in their opinion, I think there should be a limit to the services rendered by technology, so that human services can equally be useful in all the sectors. This will help to curb the increasing rate of unemployment.
Computers are
gradually
replacing the role of humans in every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
. Scientists believe that computers will become more resourceful than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
. It
is debated
whether such development is advantageous or has drawbacks. In my opinion, there should be a moderation to the work done by computer in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.

On the one hand, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of computer based technology has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
the health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries. Health care
is considered
a necessity to the society. To illustrate,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
Possible agreement error. The noun computer seems to be countable; consider using: "many computers".
many computer
controlled equipment has
been employed
to develop this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
.
Also
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
surgeons
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
robots to carry our surgeries on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. This has proved to be a more precise and accurate way of performing surgery on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Therefore
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of computers has been beneficial to health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
.
Secondly
, in agriculture
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, computers have aided the increase of genetic modification
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
For instance
, Scientists have
successfully
produced more species of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
available in large quantity with the knowledge of computers.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
production has expanded with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of this technology.

On the other hand
, there will
be increased
unemployment if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
of computers are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in a greater proportion. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will no longer
be needed
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
as work will
easily
be done
by computers. To clarify, most manufacturing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
computer and require
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
human
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
.
Because of this
, the rate of unemployment will be at its peak.

In conclusion
, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
vary in their opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
there should be a limit to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
rendered by technology,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
can
equally
be useful in all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
. This will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to curb the increasing rate of unemployment.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
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IELTS essay Scientists believe that computers will become more intelligent than human beings. Some people find it a positive development while others think it is negative development. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
281 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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