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Essay 5: Some people believe that famous people’s support towards international aid organisations draw attention to problems and contribute significantly for their achievements. Do you agree or disagree? v.2

Essay 5: Some people believe that famous people’s support towards international aid organisations draw attention to problems and contribute significantly for their achievements. v. 2
The benefit brought to global aid organisations by participation of celebrities has arisen arguments in our society. Apparently, I am of the opinion that the contributions made by them to these organisations’ programs are minor compared to significant potential drawbacks because the distraction created by their appearances and personal scandals that may have negative effects on social campaigns. On the one hand, the most persuasive argument stems from the fact that the foreseeable distraction from main objectives may be raised once celebrities appear in the pubic. Obviously, celebrities who often desire to raise their own profile and reputations instead of focusing on the programs’ outcomes. Consequently, when these famous stars mainly focus on polishing their brands and enhancing the publicity, the crowd of fans tend to get involved into these events only to see their faces or praise their achievements rather promoting the actual meaning of projects. As illustrations, there is a huge number of Tom Hank’s fans may attend in a support charity, that is primarily organised to provide donations for disable children, to celebrate his new top-hit movies and forget about donations. In addition, I am strongly in favor of many when considering the personal scandals of celebrities may have damaging effects on the achievements of these authorities. Firstly, once these organisations select inappropriate people to represent at public speech, it may lead to unwanted detrimental consequences. As a result, the public views may be turned into the negative way, then these projects may lose the concentration and belief of communities. For instance, if Carlos, a soccer star who was facing a controversy towards sexual scandals in the World Cup league, appears on the stage to raise funds for women living with mental health issues, inhabitants might argue about the serious aims of the campaign. In conclusion, it is sometime believed by some that the contributions of celebrities to programs made by international aid organisations are positive. However, my stance is that their participation have negative impacts on those due to distraction from public determinations and scandals in their lives.
The benefit brought to global aid
organisations
by participation of
celebrities
has arisen arguments in our society.
Apparently
, I am of the opinion that the contributions made by them to these
organisations
’ programs are minor compared to significant potential drawbacks
because
the distraction created by their appearances and personal
scandals
that may have
negative
effects on social campaigns.

On the one hand, the most persuasive argument stems from the fact that the foreseeable distraction from main objectives may
be raised
once
celebrities
appear in the
pubic
.
Obviously
,
celebrities
who
often
desire to raise their
own
profile and reputations
instead
of focusing on the programs’ outcomes.
Consequently
, when these
famous
stars
mainly
focus on polishing their brands and enhancing the publicity, the crowd of fans
tend
to
get
involved into these
events
only
to
see
their faces or praise their achievements
rather
promoting the actual meaning of projects. As illustrations, there is a huge number of Tom Hank’s fans may attend in a support charity,
that is
primarily
organised
to provide donations for disable children, to celebrate his new top-hit movies and forget about donations.

In addition
, I am
strongly
in favor of
many
when considering the personal
scandals
of
celebrities
may have damaging effects on the achievements of these authorities.
Firstly
, once these
organisations
select inappropriate
people
to represent at public speech, it may lead to unwanted detrimental consequences.
As a result
, the public views may
be turned
into the
negative
way, then these projects may lose the concentration and belief of communities.
For instance
, if Carlos, a soccer star who was facing a controversy towards sexual
scandals
in the World Cup league, appears on the stage to raise funds for women living with mental health issues, inhabitants might argue about the serious aims of the campaign.

In conclusion
, it is sometime believed by
some
that the contributions of
celebrities
to programs made by international aid
organisations
are
positive
.
However
, my stance is that their participation have
negative
impacts on those due to distraction from public determinations and
scandals
in their
lives
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Essay 5: Some people believe that famous people’s support towards international aid organisations draw attention to problems and contribute significantly for their achievements. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
342 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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