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Entertainment such as electronic games on portal devices is harmful for individuals and the society they live in. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Entertainment such as electronic games on portal devices is harmful for individuals and the society they live in. v. 1
Games and other sources of joy have been popular as long as our civilization exists. While some games like chess or cards are known as highly intellectual, many games are considered a waste of concentration. Due to unlimited access to games on modern devices, their necessity remains a controversial issue. Personally, I believe that people can choose any entertainment they want, and particularly games cannot affect much and can be even extremely helpful in achieving goals. To begin with, people still need at least one way to relieve stress and games can appear as a not so damaging approach. For example, to be addicted to drinking or smoking can destroy health completely, while an effect of games is not so dramatic. As fas as I know, the only argument against endless playing is that entertainment activities are time consuming. In addition to this, a habit of playing games can influence only a player himself, making this way to relax harmless for other people. Secondly, many electronic activities can help with self-improving and their purpose is to educate. For example, when I studied French the last year, I used an application called 'DuoLinguo'. In a very playful manner, it taught me a plethora of French words. The whole structure of lessons made it similar to playing games, and they benefited me a lot by interactive teaching. Overall, different entertainment activities can be amazing partners in education. In conclusion, the progress in game development has a great potential to help both society and individuals. Disadvantages of playing can be considered controversial and they can be viewed from a different prospective. One can only hope that this progress will continue in the future for everybody's sake.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Games
and other sources of joy have been popular as long as our civilization exists. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
like chess or cards
are known
as
highly
intellectual,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are considered
a waste of concentration. Due to unlimited access to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
on modern devices, their necessity remains a controversial issue.
Personally
, I believe that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can choose any entertainment they want, and
particularly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
cannot affect much and can be even
extremely
helpful in achieving goals.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
still
need at least one way to relieve
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can appear as a not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
damaging approach.
For example
, to
be addicted
to drinking or smoking can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
health completely, while an effect of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
dramatic. As
Possible spelling mistake found.
fas
as I know, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
argument against endless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
is that entertainment activities are
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
time consuming
.
In addition
to this, a habit of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can influence
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a player himself, making this way to relax harmless for other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
electronic activities can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
with self-improving and their purpose is to educate.
For example
, when I studied French the last year, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
an application called '
Possible spelling mistake found.
DuoLinguo
'. In a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
playful manner, it taught me a plethora of French words. The whole structure of lessons made it similar to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, and they benefited me a lot by interactive teaching.
Overall
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
entertainment activities can be amazing partners in education.

In conclusion
, the progress in game development has a great potential to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
both society and individuals. Disadvantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
can
be considered
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
controversial and
they can
be viewed
from a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
prospective. One can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
hope that this progress will continue in the future for everybody's sake.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Entertainment such as electronic games on portal devices is harmful for individuals and the society they live in. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
283 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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