Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Employers sometims ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. Discuss both these vie v.2

Employers sometims ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. 2
Nowadays, There is a common sense that provide the interviewee’s private information such as the interests and hobbies or marriage status in an interview is a compulsory procedure for evaluate the whether employee is compatible for the job. From my prospective, I agree to provide such information to help the employers to get to know more about their preferred staff’s character picture in mind. Some people hold argument against provide the personal information to the employers, because they think the personal information should keep in confidential. For some employee, they do not want disclosure their hobbies such as play video games which will make the employer’s misunderstanding it would affect their further work. Marriage status is another sensitive issue that should keep as secret for the staff is work alone and there is nothing relate to their spouse or family. Disclosure such personal information contribute nothing to the employer’s judgment in interview. Others who support provide personal information in applying for jobs think the benefit is obvious. Some hobbies and interest such as play football or do yoga will help the employer to organize some hobby club or event in company. The staff will surely enjoy such activity after work and will increase their productivity in work. The marriage status is sometimes used for the employers roll out the family days, and give the family member a chance get to know the company. Further more, Some company will hold a children’s day party if their staff have kids. In conclusion, The advantage of providing the employer’s personal information in applying for job. but the company should keep the employer’s personal as confidential to make the employee feel free to note it in their curriculum vita.
Nowadays, There is a common sense that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
the interviewee’s private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
such as the interests and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
or marriage status in an interview is a compulsory procedure for evaluate the whether employee is compatible for the job. From my prospective, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to know more about their preferred
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staff’s
character picture in mind.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
hold argument against
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
in confidential. For
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
employee, they do not want disclosure their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
such as play video games which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employer’s
misunderstanding it would affect their
further
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. Marriage status is another sensitive issue that should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
as secret for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staff
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
alone and there is nothing relate to their spouse or family. Disclosure such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
contribute nothing to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employer’s
judgment in interview.

Others who support
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
in applying for jobs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the benefit is obvious.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
and interest such as play football or do yoga will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employer
to organize
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
club or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staff
will
surely
enjoy such activity after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and will increase their productivity in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. The marriage status is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
roll out the family days, and give the family member a chance
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to know the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
.
Further
more,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
will hold a children’s day party if their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staff
have kids.

In conclusion
, The advantage of providing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employer’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
in applying for job.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
but
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employer’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
as confidential to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the employee feel free to note it in their curriculum vita.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
41Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Employers sometims ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
285 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts