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Employers sometims ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. Discuss both these vie v.1

Employers sometims ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. 1
Being on social media, is the latest trend today. Easy availability of the Internet, makes every person enables to use social networking sites, such as Facebook, Twitter and Whatsapp, to connect with their friends and relatives across the globe. Some people think that using such sites have a number of negative impacts on people. I firmly believe that, it badly affects people's life personally as well as socially. The reasons for my inclinations are explained in trailed paragraphs. To begin with, surfacing social media applications, makes people addicted to it. As gossiping is the human nature, people are always eager to know what happens in other's lives. Thus, using these applications actively, distracts the students from studies and makes employees less productive, which eventually, ruin their career. Furthermore, people, who are addicted to chat using these mediums, become introvert and cannot enhance face-to-face communication skills, which is a very important nowadays. For example, a survey, conducted by a local newspaper, has revealed that, the students, who are using the less social media sites, are very bold to handle the trials and tribulations of their life. Moreover, Social networking sites are prone to spread rumours worldwide, which sometimes, leads to social chaos. Further, some of the features of these applications, make criminals enable to show their wrong deeds to the world through live streaming. The last terrorist attack in New Zealand, provides the best example of this. In addition to this, a life threatening game, the Blue Whale, is also a product of social sites, which took a number of teenagers' lives. To conclude, the increasing use of social media, has posed a threat to an individual and to a society. To understand its downsides and restrict the excessive use of it, is the need of the day.
Being on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
, is the latest trend
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
. Easy availability of the Internet,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
every person enables to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
, such as Facebook, Twitter and
Possible spelling mistake found.
Whatsapp
, to connect with their friends and relatives across the globe.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that using such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
have a number of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. I
firmly
believe that, it
badly
affects
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's life
personally
as well
as
socially
. The reasons for my inclinations are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
in trailed paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, surfacing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
applications,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
addicted to it. As gossiping is the human nature,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are always eager to know what happens in other's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
Thus
, using these applications
actively
, distracts the students from studies and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
employees less productive, which
eventually
, ruin their career.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, who
are addicted
to chat using these mediums, become introvert and cannot enhance face-to-face communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, which is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
nowadays.
For example
, a survey, conducted by a local newspaper, has revealed that, the students, who are using the less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
, are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
bold to handle the trials and tribulations of their life.

Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Social
networking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
are prone to spread
Possible spelling mistake found.
rumours
worldwide, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
, leads to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
chaos.
Further
,
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
features of these applications,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
criminals enable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
deeds to the world through
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
live streaming
. The last terrorist attack in New Zealand, provides the best example of this.
In addition
to this, a life threatening game, the Blue Whale, is
also
a product of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
, which took a number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
'
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

To conclude
, the increasing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
, has posed a threat to an individual and to a society. To understand its downsides and restrict the excessive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of it, is the need of the day.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Employers sometims ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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