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Employers sometimes ask peoples applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. Discuss both views v.2

Employers sometimes ask peoples applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. 2
Normally a job seek would not reveal personal information in a resume when applying for a job; however, some employers may enquary details such as hobbies, specialities and marrital status. Some people think this is acceptable to prompt private information; whereas, others reject this action. Personally, I agree with the latter approach. Some people believe the reason that human resource managers request for personal information in resume is because it it essential and useful for deciding a potential employee from numerous candidates. The exployer may deem a specific personality is suitable for the job according to the hobbies of candidates. In addition, a employer may prefer single person than married people. For example, a company in China recruits only single female for secritery. Nonetheless, I oppose the approach that companies hire employees in accordance with its perference on hobbies and marrital status, which is irrelevant to work. Indeed, asking peosonal information in curriculum vitae is a violation of privacy. The sole requirement for a job is qualification and personal information is relevant to it. As a matter of fact, law prohibits employers to request peosonal information from personnels. Besides, offering a job according to personal information would produce bias in the process, which is detrimental for a fair environment. Therefore, a majority of people disagree with the request of personal information, not only for the protection of privacy but also for maintain a healthy employment environment. To summarize, I believe it is illegal for employers to ask personal information from employees or job seekers. Rejection to this request is reasonable and this behavior will protect the right of employees.
Normally
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
seek would not reveal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
in a resume when applying for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
;
however
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
may
Possible spelling mistake found.
enquary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
such as hobbies, specialities and
Possible spelling mistake found.
marrital
status.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this is acceptable to prompt private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
; whereas, others reject this action.
Personally
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the latter approach.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe the reason that human resource managers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
request
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
in resume is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
It seems you either mean "it is", "if it", "it" or there is a comma missing: "it, it".
it it
essential and useful for deciding a potential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
from numerous candidates. The
Possible spelling mistake found.
exployer
may deem a specific personality is suitable for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
according to the hobbies of candidates.
In addition
,
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employer
may prefer single person than married
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For example
, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
in China recruits
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
single female for
Possible spelling mistake found.
secritery
. Nonetheless, I oppose the approach that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
hire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
in accordance with its
Possible spelling mistake found.
perference
on hobbies and
Possible spelling mistake found.
marrital
status, which is irrelevant to work.

Indeed
, asking
Possible spelling mistake found.
peosonal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
in curriculum vitae is a violation of privacy. The sole requirement for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is qualification and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
is relevant to it. As a matter of fact, law prohibits
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
request
Possible spelling mistake found.
peosonal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
from
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "personnel", the plural form of the noun 'personnel'?
personnels
.
Besides
, offering a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
according to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
would produce bias in the process, which is detrimental for a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
environment.
Therefore
, a majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
disagree with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
request
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for the protection of privacy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
for maintain a healthy employment environment.

To summarize
, I believe it is illegal for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
to ask
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
seekers. Rejection to this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
request
is reasonable and this behavior will protect the right of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
37Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Mistakes
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Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay Employers sometimes ask peoples applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
269 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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