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Being a celebrity – such as famous film star sports personalities – brings problems as well as benefits. Do you think that being a celebrity brings more benefits or more problems. v.2

Being a celebrity – such as famous film star sports personalities – brings problems as well as benefits. Do you think that being a celebrity brings more benefits or more problems. v. 2
Like the two sides of the same coin, being a well known personality has its own pros and cons. In my opinion, being a celebrity brings more benefits, like wealth and fortune along with being center of attraction of the society. Firstly, superstars strike great deals just because of their fame. They earn millions in a day, by merely working for short durations. Experts from other important fields do not have the benefit of earning at par, in spite of their equal hard work. Moreover, big names mostly from the field of entertainment live a luxurious life, which is desired by most of the people. At times, this is a result of their own hard work or it is being passed on from generations to generations. Few individuals barely have any talent, yet they are quite famous, as this fame is inherited from their parents. So, the well known celebrities do not have to worry about their child’s future, as their fame and fortune is more than enough for their child. To illustrate, Amitabh Bachan, the super talented and the most popular Indian actor has won zillions of awards for his acting. However, his son being not so talented, has still won awards and is popular because of his father. Therefore, being famous is really advantageous. Secondly, few renowned actors are considered as gods in their country. They are also center of attraction, wherever they might travel in the entire world. Also, they are role models for the youth and the reason for motivation for numerous people for achieving their goals in life. For instance, Rajnikanth, a south Indian actor is worshiped as God in south India. People receive a paid holiday to just to watch his movies. In addition, they are the latest trends on social media nowadays. They have huge fan followers and are highly respected in the society. Therefore, it is certainly clear, that being famous has countless advantages. In conclusion, I concur that being well known in fields like entertainment or sports has numerous benefits. I also believe, that many people desire to be famous someday, in spite of the problems and hardships that celebrities come across every single day.
Like the two sides of the same coin, being a well known personality has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
pros and cons. In my opinion, being a celebrity brings more benefits, like wealth and fortune along with being center of attraction of the society.

Firstly
, superstars strike great deals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their fame. They earn millions in a day, by
merely
working for short durations. Experts from other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
fields do not have the benefit of earning at par,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
their equal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
names
mostly
from the field of entertainment
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a luxurious life, which
is desired
by most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. At times, this is a result of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work or it is
being passed
on from generations to generations. Few individuals
barely
have any talent,
yet
they are quite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
, as this fame
is inherited
from their parents.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, the well known celebrities do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
worry about their child’s future, as their fame and fortune is more than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
for their child. To illustrate,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Amitabh
Possible spelling mistake found.
Bachan
, the super talented and the most popular Indian actor has won zillions of awards for his acting.
However
, his son being not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
talented, has
still
won awards and is popular
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of his father.
Therefore
, being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
is
really
advantageous.

Secondly
, few renowned actors
are considered
as gods in their country. They are
also
center of attraction, wherever they might travel in the entire world.
Also
, they are role models for the youth and the reason for motivation for numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for achieving their goals in life.
For instance
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Rajnikanth
, a south Indian actor
is worshiped
as God in south India.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
receive a paid holiday to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
his movies.
In addition
, they are the latest trends on social media nowadays. They have huge fan followers and are
highly
respected in the society.
Therefore
, it is
certainly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
, that being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
has countless advantages.

In conclusion
, I concur that being well known in fields like entertainment or sports has numerous benefits. I
also
believe, that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
desire to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
someday,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
the problems and hardships that celebrities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
across every single day.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Being a celebrity – such as famous film star sports personalities – brings problems as well as benefits. Do you think that being a celebrity brings more benefits or more problems. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
364 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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