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Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.40

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. v. 40
Every single day we see lots of job advertisements from different companies seeking out to hire employees. There is a debate among the community that it is either necessary to ask for personal information, like hobbies or their marital status. There are different opinions, but I believe that collecting such information is vital while hiring a resource. One the one side, certain people believes that it is not important to ask for personal information from the candidate. They suggest that sharing such information makes the resume weak. The recruiter is not interested to know about your marital status or your interest. Although, their focus is to find the suitable person for the job they have advertised. Experts suggest that your resume should be according to the job requirement and you should exclude unnecessary information. For example, Abacus Consulting Firm guides their clients to ways to mould the CV as per company’s requirement. On the other hand, I would argue that sharing personal information is very useful and that give the clear insight of a specific applicant. This helps in identifying the perfect person for a particular job. For example, a person has mentioned in his resume that he was the captain of the football team and applying for the job of team leader in the sales department is the perfect hire; because he knows how to lead the team. Similarly, to hire a married woman with kids to a job of extensive travelling is never a good option. So, it is important to consider such information while hiring the employee. In conclusion, we might say that every organization has their own hiring policy. It is believed that it all depends on the specific job role. Few companies consider these details as unimportant where as other consider essential while hiring.
Every single day we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
advertisements from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
seeking out to hire employees. There is a debate among the community that it is either necessary to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ask for
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
, like hobbies or their marital status. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
opinions,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I believe that collecting such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
is vital while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hiring
a resource.

One the one side, certain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
believes
that it is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ask for
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
from the candidate. They suggest that sharing such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the resume weak. The recruiter is not interested to know about your marital status or your interest. Although, their focus is to find the suitable person for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
they have advertised. Experts suggest that your resume should be according to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
requirement and you should exclude unnecessary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
.
For example
, Abacus Consulting Firm guides their clients to ways to
Possible spelling mistake. 'mould' is British English.
mould
the CV as per
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
’s requirement.

On the other hand
, I would argue that sharing personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
useful and that give the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
insight of a specific applicant. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in identifying the perfect person for a particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
For example
, a person has mentioned in his resume that he was the captain of the football team and applying for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
of team leader in the sales department is the perfect hire;
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he knows how to lead the team.
Similarly
, to hire a married woman with kids to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
of extensive travelling is never a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
option.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to consider such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hiring
the employee.

In conclusion
, we might say that every organization has their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hiring
policy. It
is believed
that it all depends on the specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
role. Few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
consider these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
as unimportant
Did you mean "whereas"?
where as
other consider essential while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hiring
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
The most intimate temper of a people, its deepest soul, is above all in its language.
Jules Michelet

IELTS essay Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. v. 40

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
299 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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