Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Having more money and less free time is better than earning less money and having more free time v.12

Having more money and less free time is better than earning less money and having more free time v. 12
Some people think that less leisure hours and more money are an essential for everyone, but others believed that leisure time plays a vital role in modern society rather than huge income. To begin with, although, earning more wealth is a dream of every person in the whole world, but no-one considers about relaxation moment, even though, it is essential for everyone. Firstly, life is more stress free by having a huge amount of money, anything may be purchased with it. Such as, clothes, shoes and any electronic things, etc. Furthermore, people can provide more luxurious and comfortable lifestyle for their loved ones or family with earning more wage, but they sacrifice their hobbies for better livelihood. Secondly, education and health facilities can be given to their families. On the other hand, money is important for good living, but spending relaxing hour also plays a vital role in the modern society. Firstly, this time is very important because it cannot be purchased from anywhere again. People can live stress free and healthy with spending leisure moment or doing activities. Secondly, individuals can spend quality moments with their loved ones. Many people spend their whole life for earning and they feel regret later in their life that they could spend relaxing time with their family. Furthermore, less hours for family, which is critical to handle when it comes to the personal relations or family level. To sum up, these both things are essential for human. Therefore, people ought to give attention equally on both issues.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that less leisure hours and more money are an essential for everyone,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
others believed that leisure time plays a vital role in modern society
rather
than huge income.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, although, earning more wealth is a dream of every person in the whole world,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
no-one
Did you mean simply "considers relaxation"? You do not need the word "about" here.
considers about relaxation
moment,
even though
, it is essential for everyone.
Firstly
, life is more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
free by having a huge amount of money, anything may be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
with it. Such as, clothes, shoes and any electronic things, etc.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can provide more luxurious and comfortable lifestyle for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
with earning more wage,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they sacrifice their hobbies for better livelihood.
Secondly
, education and health facilities can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to their families.

On the other hand
, money is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
living,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
spending relaxing hour
also
plays a vital role in the modern society.
Firstly
, this time is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it cannot be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
from anywhere again.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
free and healthy with spending leisure moment or doing activities.
Secondly
, individuals can spend quality moments with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend their whole life for
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
earning and
they feel regret later in their life that they could spend relaxing time with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
Furthermore
,
Did you mean "fewer hours"?
less hours
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, which is critical to handle when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to the personal relations or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
level.

To sum up, these both things are essential for human.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
ought to give attention
equally
on both issues.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Knowledge of languages is the doorway to wisdom.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay Having more money and less free time is better than earning less money and having more free time v. 12

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
254 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts