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Having more money and less free time is better than earning less money and having more free time v.12

Having more money and less free time is better than earning less money and having more free time v. 12
Some people think that less leisure hours and more money are an essential for everyone, but others believed that leisure time plays a vital role in modern society rather than huge income. To begin with, although, earning more wealth is a dream of every person in the whole world, but no-one considers about relaxation moment, even though, it is essential for everyone. Firstly, life is more stress free by having a huge amount of money, anything may be purchased with it. Such as, clothes, shoes and any electronic things, etc. Furthermore, people can provide more luxurious and comfortable lifestyle for their loved ones or family with earning more wage, but they sacrifice their hobbies for better livelihood. Secondly, education and health facilities can be given to their families. On the other hand, money is important for good living, but spending relaxing hour also plays a vital role in the modern society. Firstly, this time is very important because it cannot be purchased from anywhere again. People can live stress free and healthy with spending leisure moment or doing activities. Secondly, individuals can spend quality moments with their loved ones. Many people spend their whole life for earning and they feel regret later in their life that they could spend relaxing time with their family. Furthermore, less hours for family, which is critical to handle when it comes to the personal relations or family level. To sum up, these both things are essential for human. Therefore, people ought to give attention equally on both issues.
Some
people
think
that less leisure hours and more money are an essential for everyone,
but
others believed that leisure time plays a vital role in modern society
rather
than huge income.

To
begin
with, although, earning more wealth is a dream of every person in the whole world,
but
no-one
considers about relaxation
moment,
even though
, it is essential for everyone.
Firstly
, life is more
stress
free by having a huge amount of money, anything may be
purchased
with it. Such as, clothes, shoes and any electronic things, etc.
Furthermore
,
people
can provide more luxurious and comfortable lifestyle for their
loved
ones or
family
with earning more wage,
but
they sacrifice their hobbies for better livelihood.
Secondly
, education and health facilities can be
given
to their families.

On the other hand
, money is
important
for
good
living,
but
spending relaxing hour
also
plays a vital role in the modern society.
Firstly
, this time is
very
important
because
it cannot be
purchased
from anywhere again.
People
can
live
stress
free and healthy with spending leisure moment or doing activities.
Secondly
, individuals can spend quality moments with their
loved
ones.
Many
people
spend their whole life for
earning and
they feel regret later in their life that they could spend relaxing time with their
family
.
Furthermore
,
less hours
for
family
, which is critical to handle when it
comes
to the personal relations or
family
level.

To sum up, these both things are essential for human.
Therefore
,
people
ought to give attention
equally
on both issues.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Having more money and less free time is better than earning less money and having more free time v. 12

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
254 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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