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Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.26

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. v. 26
Most of the time, the details asked in an online job application or the resumes that get circulated is not limited to one's professional life. They also enquire and ask for personal details like the marital status of the applicant, their hobbies, and other interests apart from the stream they are pursuing. While some feel that sharing of this information is relevant and useful, rest think otherwise. In my opinion, I agree that employers should be made aware of some of the personal details as it is beneficial for both the company and the interested candidate. Firstly, sharing details of oneself helps the company in filtering the resume as per their requirement for the post applied for. In other words, information about whether a candidate is married will give an idea of the salary package that the candidate will expect considering the people dependent on him or if he will be a suitable pick for a position that requires him to travel frequently on work. For example, a company established in Bangalore might require a person who will have to manage another branch located in North India. A married man settled with his family and children in Bangalore might not be the right choice considering his commitment needed towards his family. Thus reducing time in selecting the right person by using personal details. Another point to be considered for sharing of information related to their interests is how it can increase the chances of the applicant in finding a job he is more interested in and inclined towards rather than limiting it to the educational or the professional accomplishments. For instance, resumes often get circulated from companies to companies from word of mouth and requirement. It sometimes happens that the hobbies expressed might catch one's eye and gets discussed with an employee who might require a person with the skill of the applicant and get approached for a job opportunity. In conclusion, though some people disagree about giving personal details while applying for jobs, I am of an opinion that this information helps both the employer and the employee.
Most of the time, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
details
asked in an online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
application or the resumes that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
circulated is not limited to one's professional life. They
also
Possible spelling mistake. 'enquire' is British English.
enquire
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ask for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
details
like the marital status of the applicant, their hobbies, and other interests apart from the stream they are pursuing. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
feel that sharing of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
is relevant and useful, rest
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
otherwise
. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that employers should
be made
aware of
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
details
as it is beneficial for both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
and the interested candidate.

Firstly
, sharing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
details
of oneself
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
in filtering the resume as per their requirement for the post applied for.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
about whether a candidate
is married
will give an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of the salary package that the candidate will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
considering the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
dependent on him or if he will be a suitable pick for a position that requires him to travel
frequently
on work.
For example
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
established in Bangalore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
require a person who will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
manage another branch located in North India. A married
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
settled with his family and children in Bangalore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
not be the right choice considering his commitment needed towards his family.
Thus
reducing time in selecting the right person by using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
.

Another point to
be considered
for sharing of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
related to their interests is how it can increase the chances of the applicant in finding a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
he is more interested in and inclined towards
rather
than limiting it to the educational or the professional accomplishments.
For instance
, resumes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
circulated from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
from word of mouth and requirement. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
happens that the hobbies expressed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
catch one's eye and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
discussed with an employee who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
require a person with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
of the applicant and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
approached for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
opportunity.

In conclusion
, though
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
disagree about giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
details
while applying for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
, I am of an opinion that this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
both the employer and the employee.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. v. 26

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
349 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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