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Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interest, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. Discuss both these views and give your opinion. v.2

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interest, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. v. 2
Firms sometimes request from people seeking for employments for private details. Although some people believe that such information may be necessary, other dispute this and argue that it is irrelevant. In this essay, I will discuss both these views and explain my support for the latter view. On the one hand, those who believe that such demands is important might argue that it will enable the company to select from the pool those whom they think is best fit for the role. Organization will not want to employ people with a history of negligence. For instance, The New York Times recently reported that 90% of recruiters who demanded for confidential information from prospective job seekers were successful in recruiting the best for the position compared to those who did not. Nevertheless, if those recruited had not succeeded in the role, demanding for such details will thus be irrelevant. On the other hand, I would argue that asking for such details is irrelevant. This is not a yardstick on how well prospective applicant will perform on the task. For example, The Sunday Times recently reported that 97% of job seekers who did not provide their personal information before they got employed performed extremely well on the role compared to those who had submitted their details. Notwithstanding, if they hand not performed better, demanding for such information would have become necessary. In conclusion, although some people believe that requesting for private details is very essential as it enable the organization to recruit the best, I strongly believe that such request is not necessary as it has no impact on work performance.
Firms
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
request from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
seeking for employments for private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
details
. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
may be necessary, other dispute this and argue that it is irrelevant. In this essay, I will discuss both these views and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
my support for the latter view.

On the one hand, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that such demands is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
might argue that it will enable the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
to select from the pool those whom they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
is best fit for the role. Organization will not want to employ
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with a history of negligence.
For instance
, The New York Times recently reported that 90% of recruiters
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
demanded for confidential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
from prospective job seekers were successful in recruiting the best for the position compared to those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
did not.
Nevertheless
, if those recruited had not succeeded in the role, demanding for such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
details
will
thus
be irrelevant.

On the other hand
, I would argue that asking for such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
details
is irrelevant. This is not a yardstick on how well prospective applicant will perform on the task.
For example
, The Sunday Times recently reported that 97% of job seekers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
did not provide their personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
employed performed
extremely
well on the role compared to those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
had submitted their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
details
. Notwithstanding, if they hand not performed better, demanding for such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
would have become necessary.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that requesting for private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
details
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
essential as it
Did you mean "enables"?
enable
the organization to recruit the best, I
strongly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that such request is not necessary as it has no impact on work performance.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interest, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
269 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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