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Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interest, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. Discuss both these views and give your opinion. v.5

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interest, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. v. 5
There is not doubt that employee should provide his or her personal data to employers. While some people believe that personal information such as hobbies and interests and also married or single is relevant and useful to employees others argue that this data is irrelevant. In this essay, I will discuss both arguments. Firstly, Employees will provide their personal info to employers because the organization will provide some of the benefits to workers, who work with their organization. For example, employers will provide group insurance, life insurance, based on your hobbies or interests will give some trainings to get best results. If any employee is good in playing sports, most of the organization conducts internal competitions yearly. So you will participate and get appreciations and awards. As a result, the employee will get a good reputation in the company. Secondly, some of the workers not interested to provide personal data like their hobbies and personal interests. For example, someone interests are cooking or it is not related to his office work, then others will think differently. Because of the socialization with other they may afraid or inferiority complex. Some of the workers having some personal issues, so they cannot reveal their information As a result, they will lose some of the benefits from the company. In the conclusion, a majority of the workers provide their personal information for the organizational benefits, others not interested to provide their information due to the inferiority or cannot disclose. In my opinion, the employee should provide personal information to the company to get major benefits.
There is not doubt that
employee
should
provide
his or her
personal
data to employers. While
some
people
believe that
personal
information
such as hobbies and
interests
and
also
married or single is relevant and useful to
employees
others argue that this data is irrelevant. In this essay, I will discuss both arguments.

Firstly
,
Employees
will
provide
their
personal
info to employers
because
the organization will
provide
some of the
benefits
to
workers
, who work with their organization.
For example
, employers will
provide
group insurance, life insurance, based on your hobbies or
interests
will give
some
trainings to
get
best results. If any
employee
is
good in playing
sports, most of the organization conducts internal competitions yearly.
So
you will participate and
get
appreciations and awards.
As a result
, the
employee
will
get
a
good
reputation in the
company
.

Secondly
,
some of the
workers
not interested to
provide
personal
data like their hobbies and
personal
interests
.
For example
, someone
interests
are cooking or it is not related to his office work, then others will
think
differently
.
Because
of the socialization with
other
they
may afraid
or inferiority complex.
Some of the
workers
having
some
personal
issues,
so
they cannot reveal their
information
As a result
, they will lose
some of the
benefits
from the
company
.

In the conclusion, a majority of the
workers
provide
their
personal
information
for the organizational
benefits
, others not interested to
provide
their
information
due to the inferiority or cannot disclose. In my opinion, the
employee
should
provide
personal
information
to the
company
to
get
major
benefits
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interest, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
261 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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