Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Despite a large number of gyms, a sedentary lifestyle is gaining popularity in the contemporary world. What problems are associated with this? What solutions can you suggest? v.12

Despite a large number of gyms, a sedentary lifestyle is gaining popularity in the contemporary world. What problems are associated with this? What solutions can you suggest? v. 12
In today's world, the way of living is being changed dramatically into a style which lacks physical activities, even though there is an extreme rise in gym facilities. There are a couple of problems associated with kind of standard of living. This essay will discuss what those problems are as well as the solutions to ensure the healthy lifestyle. There are various issues associated with a lifestyle which barely include any physical activity, although there are a plenty of options available to make an active lifestyle. Firstly, people become unhealthy and suffers from many diseases. In India, for example, you will find a plethora of people who have issues like obesity, diabetes, etc. , may be because they have their preferences over to performing any exercises. Secondly, it is going to affect the next generation adversely as they usually learn, what they notice. For instance, people these days have become so stressed or lazy that they generally prefer to offer a mobile phone to their kids, just to make oneself relaxed, but it hampers their kid's health adversely. Hence it would make upcoming youths to follow the same lifestyle. While the problems are not insurmountable, in my opinion, there are solutions to overcome. The first solution is that, one should try to include a couple of household chores in their day to day life that involves no or minimize usage of technology. For instance, washing clothes manually rather than using washing machines, the motive is to enable some movements in the body regularly. Another option would be, an individual should play games that involve physical activity instead of giving children a liberty to play with mobile phones so that, it has become a good habit in themselves, hence it would encourage the next generation to maintain an active lifestyle; therefore their health would improvise certainly. Finally, this essay discussed the problems associated with sedentary lifestyle people these days are following. While the issues are evidently clear, if the appropriate measures are taken, the problems can be solved precisely.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world, the way of living is being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
dramatically
into a style which lacks physical activities,
even though
there is an extreme rise in gym facilities. There are a couple of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
associated with kind of standard of living. This essay will discuss what those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
are
as well
as the solutions to ensure the healthy lifestyle.

There are various issues associated with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
which
barely
include any physical activity, although there are a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of options available to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
an active
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become unhealthy and suffers from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
diseases. In India,
for example
, you will find a plethora of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have issues like obesity, diabetes, etc.
Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
,
may be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have their preferences over to performing any exercises.
Secondly
, it is going to affect the
next
generation
adversely
as they
usually
learn, what they notice.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
these days have become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
or lazy that they
generally
prefer to offer a mobile phone to their kids,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
oneself relaxed,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it hampers their kid's health
adversely
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
it would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
upcoming youths to follow the same lifestyle.

While the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
are not insurmountable, in my opinion, there are solutions to overcome. The
first
solution is that, one should try to include a couple of household chores in their
It appears that two hyphens are missing.
day to day
life that involves
Did you mean "now" (=at this moment) instead of 'no' (negation)?
no
or minimize usage of technology.
For instance
, washing clothes
manually
rather
than using washing machines, the motive is to enable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
movements in the body
regularly
. Another option would be, an individual should play games that involve physical activity
instead
of giving children a liberty to play with mobile phones
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that, it has become a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
habit in themselves,
hence
it would encourage the
next
generation to maintain an active
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
;
therefore
their health would improvise
certainly
.

Finally
, this essay discussed the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
associated with sedentary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
these days are following. While the issues are
evidently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
, if the appropriate measures
are taken
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
can
be solved
precisely
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Despite a large number of gyms, a sedentary lifestyle is gaining popularity in the contemporary world. What problems are associated with this? What solutions can you suggest? v. 12

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
338 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts