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Some people who have been in prison become good citizens later and it is often argued that these are the best people to talk to teenagers about the dangers of committing a crime. v.7

Some people who have been in prison become good citizens later and it is often argued that these are the best people to talk to teenagers about the dangers of committing a crime. v. 7
It is true that several people have changed themselves to be a better person after they had been released from prison. And it is believed that they are better in giving advice to young people about the negative effect of crime. I personally agree with the statement and the following essay will discuss in details about it. To begin with, it is a fact that the public usually has negative images to ex-prisoners, but not all of them have a bad personality. As some prisons provide technical skill and personal development program to their prisoners, many of them have successfully followed these positive programs. These courses have changed their character and provided them with adequate skill, therefore, they were accepted back in the society. Many of them have learned their lessons during imprisonment, as they worked harder and became more successful than the regular people. Apart from psychopath criminals, an ordinary person, who has committed crimes and has been sentenced to be imprisoned often understand the value of life and thus changes radically. But in many countries, the crime rate among young people has been increasing significantly in the past few years. I believe that the best way to reduce the rate is by having some campaigns and testimonials from former prisoners who had changed their life. With their shares, it is hoped that it will open and broaden the view of the young people, about the dangerous side of crime. They would also become an effective mentor because they understand the condition of these teenagers, as they had experienced the same situation before. With their guidance, it is hoped that many teenagers will improve their life and become a better person. In conclusion, I totally agree that some former prisoners who had changed their life would be a good advisor for the young generation. Their unpleasant experience would be a valuable lesson for the young people and hope that the teenagers would avoid crime activities in the future.
It is true that several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
themselves to be a better person after they had
been released
from prison. And it
is believed
that they are better in giving advice to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
. I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement and the following essay will discuss in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
about it.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, it is a fact that the public
usually
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
images to ex-prisoners,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not all of them have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
personality. As
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
prisons provide technical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
and personal development program to their prisoners,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them have
successfully
followed these
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
programs. These courses have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
their character and provided them with adequate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
,
therefore
, they were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
back in the society.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
of them have learned their lessons during imprisonment, as they worked harder and became more successful than the regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Apart from psychopath criminals, an ordinary person, who has committed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
and has
been sentenced
to
be imprisoned
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
understand the value of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and
thus
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
radically
.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
has
been increasing
significantly
in the past few years. I believe that the best way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the rate is by having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
campaigns and testimonials from former prisoners who had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
their
Did you mean "lives"?
life
. With their shares, it
is hoped
that it will open and broaden the view of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, about the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
side of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
. They would
also
become an effective mentor
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they understand the condition of these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
, as they had experienced the same situation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. With their guidance, it
is hoped
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and become a better person.

In conclusion
, I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
former prisoners who had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
their
Did you mean "lives"?
life
would be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
advisor for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation. Their unpleasant experience would be a valuable lesson for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and hope that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
would avoid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
activities in the future.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people who have been in prison become good citizens later and it is often argued that these are the best people to talk to teenagers about the dangers of committing a crime. v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
329 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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