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Education is not a luxury but a basic human right & as such should be free for everyone irrespective of personal wealth. Do you agree or disagree? ’ v.2

Education is not a luxury but a basic human right & as such should be free for everyone irrespective of personal wealth. ’ v. 2
In this day and age, the topic of whether or not to consider education as a fundamental right for everyone is one which bears some consideration. It is the opinion of this writer that the facts are on the side of those who believe education is a basic right and should be provided for free. Firstly, education affects people’s personalities. By being able to distinguish between right and wrong, they can protect and take care of themselves by means such as avoiding negative temptations like drugs and alcohols, which might lead to criminal activities. That can also help also helps build up positive personalities in people. Secondly, having a certain level of understanding helps ease their lives. Schools provides both basic and advanced knowledge which will assist people in their career, giving them chances to have a job and create income for their families. They will have enough money for their needs, interests and maybe be able to overcome poverty. Lastly, more important than one’s own benefits is the country’s development. If everyone is educated, there will be an increase in people‘s intellectual standards and human resources. Society, national security and domains such as the economy, finance, education, health and medicine will be developed when more potential and talented people are trained. One excellent example is Finland. Since the government provided their residents with free education, the country‘s economy has shot up and Finland has now become one of the richest countries in the world with a GDP around $35000. Thus it can be seen that education not only affects one’s personality and income, but also is the root of a country‘s peace and prosperity. Therefore, it should have been abundantly demonstrated that education should be available as a basic right for all regardless of individual wealth.
In this day and age, the topic of
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether". It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
whether or not
to consider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
as a fundamental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
right
for everyone is one which bears
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
consideration. It is the opinion of this writer that the facts are on the side of those who believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is a basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
right
and should
be provided
for free.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
affects
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
personalities. By being able to distinguish between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
right
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
, they can protect and take care of themselves by means such as avoiding
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
temptations like drugs and alcohols, which might lead to criminal activities. That can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
build up
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
personalities in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Secondly
, having a certain level of understanding
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
Possible agreement error. You should probably use: "school provides".
Schools provides
both basic and advanced knowledge which will assist
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in their career, giving them chances to have a job and create income for their families. They will have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
money for their needs, interests and maybe be able to overcome poverty.

Lastly
, more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than one’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
benefits is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
development. If everyone
is educated
, there will be an increase in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people‘s
intellectual standards and human resources. Society, national security and domains such as the economy, finance,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, health and medicine will
be developed
when more potential and talented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are trained
. One excellent example is Finland. Since the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
provided their residents with free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country‘s
economy has shot up and Finland has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
become one of the richest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in the world with a GDP around $35000.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
affects one’s personality and income,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
is the root of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country‘s
peace and prosperity.
Therefore
, it should have been
abundantly
demonstrated that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
should be available as a basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
right
for all regardless of individual wealth.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Education is not a luxury but a basic human right & as such should be free for everyone irrespective of personal wealth. ’ v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
297 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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