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Education, from preschool through university, should be paid for by the government and therefore free to students. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.5

Education, from preschool through university, should be paid for by the government and therefore free to students. v. 5
Some believe that primary school to post secondary tuition should be exempted from any charges. I stand by this view and believe that adolescents may not perform well in class should they require to pay and also, believe that everyone must be given a chance. Working while studying would cause severe stress. In other words, pupils already have an enormous pressure from class-room environment itself. Making them pay for their tuition would not only, add more pressure, but also will make studying a burden which can have detrimental effects on a student's performance resulting in poor grades. For example, when I was studying overseas as an offshore student the amount of pressure and stress from the university and the workplace was extreme. Knowing that I had to earn my living and travel expenses while maintaining good grades was one of the most difficult tasks I have ever come acrossed. Therefore, having to focus only on studies would make a student shine in the class-room. Everyone must be given an equal opportunity. Critics who view that education should a chargeable service argue, that children may take free education for granted and not take responsibility, resulting in a poor return on investment from an economic perspective. While this is true to some extent in my opinion, the only method to measure if someone can take responsibility would be by giving them an opportunity. For instance, if a child born to an economically deprived family, that child will never be able to contribute to society if the tuition is chargeable. There have been many examples of individuals from around the world where they have risen up from poverty to become wealthy. Hence, regardless of the economic situation of a citizen everyone must be given a chance to shine. In conclusion, children may not perform well when they are required to pay for their studies due to added stress from having to earn while studying. In addition, kids who are born to poor families may never get a chance to contribute to the society should the education is paid.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
believe that primary school to post secondary tuition should
be exempted
from any charges. I stand by this view and believe that adolescents may not perform well in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
should they require
Did you mean "paying"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'require' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to pay
and
also
, believe that everyone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
a chance.

Working while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
would cause severe
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.
In other words
, pupils already have an enormous pressure from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
-room environment itself. Making them pay for their tuition would not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
more pressure,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
a burden which can have detrimental effects on a student's performance resulting in poor grades.
For example
, when I was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
overseas as an offshore student the amount of pressure and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
from the university and the workplace was extreme. Knowing that I had to earn my living and travel expenses while maintaining
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
grades was one of the most difficult tasks I have ever
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
Possible spelling mistake found.
acrossed
.
Therefore
, having to focus
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
on studies would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a student shine in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
-room.

Everyone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
an equal opportunity. Critics who view that education should a chargeable service argue, that children may take free education for granted and not take responsibility, resulting in a poor return on investment from an economic perspective. While this is true to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent in my opinion, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
method to measure if someone can take responsibility would be by giving them an opportunity.
For instance
, if a child born to an
economically
deprived family, that child will never be able to contribute to society if the tuition is chargeable. There have been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
examples of individuals from around the world where they have risen up from poverty to become wealthy.
Hence
, regardless of the economic situation of a citizen everyone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
a chance to shine.

In conclusion
, children may not perform well when they
are required
to pay for their studies due to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
from having to earn while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
.
In addition
, kids who
are born
to poor families may never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a chance to contribute to the society should the education
is paid
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
With languages, you are at home anywhere.
Edward De Waal

IELTS essay Education, from preschool through university, should be paid for by the government and therefore free to students. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
345 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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