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Economic growth is the only way to end world poverty. However, some people says it leads to environment damage and should be stopped. To what extend do you agree? v.6

Economic growth is the only way to end world poverty. However, some people says it leads to environment damage and should be stopped. v. 6
Financial subject is the backbone of every country and amplify that is the main purpose for those countries which want to become one of the advanced countries in the world. Some people believe that, this growing may hurt the nature by their wrong effect and should be restricted, while others think differently. they think this rising is necessary for countries. This essay will shed some light on this argument from both sides and extend my partial support to the former view before arriving at conclusion. It is obvious that profitable growing has direct relation with industry. It means that, because of modern and well industry, countries can develop on financial and this progress on manufacturing is dangerous for providing elementary materials, humans need to demolish environment. For instance, they should destroy jungles for wood, as well as mountain for coal. Hence industry growth causes economic growth and cut the rate of poor people on society while the environment gradually will be collapsed. For financial growing government need to build highways, buildings and bridges. For these kind of construction, they should destroy lands and animal’s habitation. In reality they hurt the ecosystem and wild life. On the other hands, in some people opinion with decreasing poverty in society the security and welfare will be increased. On the other words, well financial situation for citizenry may reduce criminals and rise satisfaction in countries. Furthermore, rich countries have powerful army and reliable military force. They have new and modern war equipment, and can protect of their native land and compatriots. They believe it is more important than environment in these days. At the conclusion, we should know that we have just an earth and it is not recurring. It is not good reason that for having well financial condition we can destroy all thing.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Financial
subject is the backbone of every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and amplify
that is
the main purpose for those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
which want to become one of the advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in the world.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that, this growing may hurt the nature by their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
effect and should
be restricted
, while others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
differently
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this rising is necessary for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. This essay will shed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
light on this argument from both sides and extend my partial support to the former view
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
arriving at conclusion.

It is obvious that profitable growing has direct relation with industry. It means that,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of modern and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
industry,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
can develop on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
and this progress on manufacturing is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
for providing elementary materials, humans need to demolish environment.
For instance
, they should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
jungles for wood, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
as mountain for coal.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
industry growth causes economic growth and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
the rate of poor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
on society while the environment
gradually
will
be collapsed
. For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
growing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
need to build highways, buildings and bridges. For
Did you mean "this kind" or "these kinds"?
these kind
of construction, they should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
lands and animal’s habitation. In
The comma is probably missing here: "reality, they".
reality they
hurt the ecosystem and wild life.

On the other hands, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
opinion with decreasing poverty in society the security and welfare will
be increased
. On the other words,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
situation for citizenry may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
criminals and rise satisfaction in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
Furthermore
, rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have powerful army and reliable military force. They have new and modern war equipment, and can protect of their native land and compatriots. They believe it is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than environment in these days.

At the conclusion, we should know that we have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
an earth and it is not recurring. It is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
reason that for having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
condition we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
all thing.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay Economic growth is the only way to end world poverty. However, some people says it leads to environment damage and should be stopped. v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
301 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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