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Being a celebrity - such as famous film star or sports personality - brings problems as well as benefits. Do you think that being a celebrity brings more benefits or more problems? v.3

Being a celebrity - such as famous film star or sports personality - brings problems as well as benefits. Do you think that being a celebrity brings more benefits or more problems? v. 3
People always fond of famous individuals, such as movie star or athletes. Although being a celebrity can give them the opportunity to be wealthy and gain reputation in the society, it also bring issues associated with privacy and mental health. In my opinion, the positive points of being famous surpass the negative aspects. The crucial beneficial factor of becoming popular is that it enables them to obtain reputation and make a fortune easily in their careers due to the high exposure in the public. People in the show business tend to be paid much higher compared to other occupations, like scientists or teachers. A good illustration of this is that movie actors in Hollywood can be paid billions of dollar by staring in a movie. As can be seen, this advantage has a profound impact on the public impression towards Celebrity. However, every coin has two sides. The main challenge of being famous is that people normally can’t have private life. People can recognize you no matter where you are and take photos of you then put them on the social media without permission. Apart from privacy invasion, people in the show business always stress themselves out because of the huge pressure from the public. For example, it has been found by a research that 80% of famous people need to see psychologists regularly to deal with depression and unwind the pressure. Therefore, this is detrimental to their mental health. To sum up, people like to pay attention on the famous person. While being popular can bring some challenges, this can open the additional advantage and opportunity in the future’s career. I’m inclined to say that the overall benefits of being a celebrity are superior.
People
always fond of
famous
individuals, such as movie star or athletes. Although being a celebrity can give them the opportunity to be wealthy and gain reputation in the society, it
also
bring
issues associated with privacy and mental health. In my opinion, the
positive
points of being
famous
surpass the
negative
aspects.

The crucial beneficial factor of becoming popular is that it enables them to obtain reputation and
make
a fortune
easily
in their careers due to the high exposure in the public.
People
in the
show
business tend to
be paid
much higher compared to other occupations, like scientists or teachers. A
good
illustration of this is that movie actors in Hollywood can
be paid
billions of dollar by staring in a movie. As can be
seen
, this advantage has a profound impact on the public impression towards Celebrity.

However
, every coin has two sides. The main challenge of being
famous
is that
people
normally
can’t have private life.
People
can recognize you no matter where you are and take photos of you then put them on the social media without permission. Apart from privacy invasion,
people
in the
show
business always
stress
themselves out
because
of the huge pressure from the public.
For example
, it has
been found
by
a research
that 80% of
famous
people
need to
see
psychologists
regularly
to deal with depression and unwind the pressure.
Therefore
, this is detrimental to their mental health.

To sum up,
people
like to pay attention on the
famous
person. While being popular can bring
some
challenges, this can open the additional advantage and opportunity in the future’s career. I’m inclined to say that the
overall
benefits of being a celebrity are superior.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Being a celebrity - such as famous film star or sports personality - brings problems as well as benefits. Do you think that being a celebrity brings more benefits or more problems? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
285 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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