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Eating a balanced diet is the most important factor for a healthy life. To what extent do you agree? v.2

Eating a balanced diet is the most important factor for a healthy life. v. 2
Nutritionists have advised of eating a balanced diets. This diet in fact is including of the five main factors of food, and people should eat it with in limited number. I completely agree that there are many advantages of balanced diet, which plays important role of healthy life. There are several significant advantages of eating a balanced diet. First of all, because this diet consists of the main nutrients, which are proteins, carbohydrates, fats, vitamins and minerals, the body can gain the whole needs of them and support it to work properly. This leads to have healthy nutritious organs and tissues. Secondly, due to the increase number of illnesses around the world, fully completed diet is able to protect the human’s body from the widespread diseases. Cancers is, for instance, a common one among people. Eventually, if a person strengths his immune system from an early age by eating balanced diet every day, it is definitely difficult to be affected with these diseases or even the chronic pains. Therefore, there has been a strong connection between healthy life style and the balanced diet. It has been claimed that eating balanced diet is not beneficial for living healthy. As this diet has been organized by professions, we cannot eat more than 10% of sugar daily. However, some individuals in our society could not stuck with only this limit because chocolate and candies, for example are the main part of their life, which make them extremely happily. As a consequence, diet means for many kind of entertainment and happiness. Eventually, without specific food, they may feel tired and unhealthy. To conclude, the balanced diet has brought plenty of positives effects, so once the individual maintains on this nutritious diet, the potential cause of having any disorder would be rare. Nevertheless, those people, who are against eating balanced diets, might understand the value of this diet in future.
Nutritionists have advised of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
balanced
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "diet"?
diets
. This diet in fact is including of the five main factors of food, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should eat it with in limited number. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
balanced
diet, which plays
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
life.

There are several significant advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
balanced
diet.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this diet consists of the main nutrients, which are proteins, carbohydrates, fats, vitamins and minerals, the body can gain the whole needs of them and support it to work
properly
. This leads to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
nutritious organs and tissues.
Secondly
, due to the increase number of illnesses around the world,
fully
completed diet is able to protect the human’s body from the widespread diseases. Cancers is,
for instance
, a common one among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Eventually
, if a person strengths his immune system from an early age by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
balanced
diet every day, it is definitely difficult to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
with these diseases or even the chronic pains.
Therefore
, there has been a strong
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
connection between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
life style and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
balanced
diet.

It has
been claimed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
balanced
diet is not beneficial for living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
. As this diet has
been organized
by professions, we cannot eat more than 10% of sugar daily.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals in our society could not
The verb 'could' requires the base form of the verb: "stick"
stuck
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
this limit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
chocolate and candies,
for example
are the main part of their life, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them
extremely
happily
. As a consequence, diet means for
Possible agreement error. The noun kind seems to be countable; consider using: "many kinds".
many kind
of entertainment and happiness.
Eventually
, without specific food, they may feel tired and unhealthy.

To conclude
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
balanced
diet has brought
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of positives effects,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
once the individual maintains on this nutritious diet, the potential cause of having any disorder would be rare.
Nevertheless
, those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, who are against
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
balanced
diets, might understand the value of this diet
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Eating a balanced diet is the most important factor for a healthy life. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
315 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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