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Many companies sponsor sports as a way of advertising themselves. some think it is good, while others think it is a has disadvantages. Discuss both of the views and give your opinion? v.2

Many companies sponsor sports as a way of advertising themselves. some think it is good, while others think it is a has disadvantages. v. 2
People have different views about the sponsoring of sports by the companies for the purpose of advertisement. Although this approach has some drawbacks, It appears that it could be more beneficial. At the outset, advertising through sports-events could have some cons as it might be used for endorsing unethical products, such as liquor, tobacco. It could be deterimental for people, who are easily swayed by this kind of endorsements. Moreover, it has been witnessed that sales of products and services largely depend on the public-image of the players. Put simply, if the peak-performance is not displayed by the sportsperson, the impact of this could be seen on the sales graph. To exemplify, companies like to hire extraordinary players, to enhance their sales. Given the above explanation, it is advocated by some people that sponsoring of sports event is by no means the best way for the advertising. On the other hand, numerous benefits can be taken if sports- tournaments are sponsored by companies. Firstly, better concentration might be given on the sports by the players, due to the monetary benefits given by the companies, which are sponsoring the events, that results in high-performance in games. Secondly, sports accessories can be obtained, through sponsorship-contracts which might be impossible because of their high prices, such as sports- shoes and dresses. Taken an example of Indian cricket team sponsor 'Biju' that is bearing all the expenses of the required accessories of all the players. Therefore, it would appear that the sports team can take the advantages of monetary benefits given by their sponsor companies. In conclusion, while there is the existence of some demerits of sponsoring sports for advertising, I believe the merits as far more as compared to the former.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sponsoring
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
for the purpose of advertisement. Although this approach has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks, It appears that it could be more beneficial.

At the outset, advertising through sports-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
could have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cons as it might be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for endorsing unethical products, such as liquor, tobacco. It could be
Possible spelling mistake found.
deterimental
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, who are
easily
swayed by this kind of endorsements.
Moreover
, it has
been witnessed
that sales of products and services
largely
depend on the public-image of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
. Put
simply
, if the peak-performance is not displayed by the sportsperson, the impact of this could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
on the sales graph. To exemplify,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
like to hire extraordinary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
, to enhance their sales.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Given
the above explanation, it
is advocated
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sponsoring
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
is by no means the best way for the advertising.

On the other hand
, numerous benefits can
be taken
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports-
tournaments
are sponsored
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
.
Firstly
, better concentration might be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
, due to the monetary benefits
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
, which are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sponsoring
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
, that results in high-performance in games.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
accessories can
be obtained
, through sponsorship-contracts which might be impossible
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their high prices, such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports-
shoes and dresses. Taken an example of Indian cricket team sponsor '
Possible spelling mistake found.
Biju
'
that is
bearing all the expenses of the required accessories of all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
.
Therefore
, it would appear that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
team can take the advantages of monetary benefits
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
by their sponsor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.

In conclusion
, while there is the existence of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
demerits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sponsoring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
for advertising, I believe the merits as far more
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
as
compared to the former.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Many companies sponsor sports as a way of advertising themselves. some think it is good, while others think it is a has disadvantages. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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