Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Each year, the crime rate increases. What are the causes of crime and what could be done to prevent this rise in criminal activity? v.22

Each year, the crime rate increases. What are the causes of crime and what could be done to prevent this rise in criminal activity? v. 22
In this era, the number of crimes is increasing every year. There are several factors causing this issue, but the primary causes could be the emotional lifestyles. To solve this issue, the government can provide various programs where it helps people to handle the stresses and control their emotions. There are various reasons for the incremental crime rates; however, the emotional distresses are the primary causes. As society develops into competitive markets, every day’s life becomes stressful. As a result of this, people have a lesser private time such as spending the time with friends and families, which causes emotional depression or distresses, it can express in a criminal way. In fact, according to the US statistics have found that in 2015' s majority crime rates (over 80%) have involved with random and involuntary crimes, which have resulted of lose control of emotions. Therefore, this competitive and stressful world has created a criminal every year. To solve this issue, there are several reasons at different levels - individual, family and societal levels. However, the most effective solutions would be the compulsory governmental programs which main purpose is helping people to manage their stress levels. Since majority of crimes are committed due to the burst and uncontrollable emotions, the programs to control of one' s emotion becomes vital. If the government imposes these programs as a mandatory, there will be fewer crimes involve with emotional uncontrollable acts. Thus, the governmental helps on this matter is required at an immediate effect. In conclusion, as society develops into a competitive world, the number of crimes is increasing every year. Even though there are various causes result this phenomenon, the primary reason would be the emotional managements. Since more people are responding extremely with their emotions, the crime acts would be inevitable. Therefore, the governmental programs involving emotional management seems the most effective and urgent approach to be placed.
In this era, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
is increasing every year. There are several factors causing this issue,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
causes
could be the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
emotional
lifestyles. To solve this issue, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can provide various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
where it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to handle the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stresses
and control their emotions.

There are various reasons for the incremental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rates;
however
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
emotional
distresses are the primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
causes
. As society develops into competitive markets, every day’s life becomes stressful.
As a result
of this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a lesser private time such as spending the time with friends and families, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
causes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
emotional
depression or distresses, it can express
Consider replacing "in a criminal way" with the adverb for "criminal"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a criminal way
. In fact, according to the US statistics have found that in 2015' s majority
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rates (over 80%) have involved with random and involuntary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
, which have resulted of lose control of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
emotions
.
Therefore
, this competitive and stressful world has created a criminal every year.

To solve this issue, there are several reasons at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
levels
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
individual, family and societal levels.
However
, the most effective solutions would be the compulsory governmental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
which main purpose is helping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to manage their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
levels. Since
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
are committed
due to the burst and uncontrollable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
emotions
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
to control of
Possible spelling mistake found.
one&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
emotion
becomes vital. If the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
imposes these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
as a mandatory, there will be fewer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
involve with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
emotional
uncontrollable acts.
Thus
, the governmental
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
on this matter
is required
at an immediate effect.

In conclusion
, as society develops into a competitive world, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
is increasing every year.
Even though
there are various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
causes
result this phenomenon, the primary reason would be the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
emotional
managements. Since more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are responding
extremely
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
emotions
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
acts would be inevitable.
Therefore
, the governmental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
involving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
emotional
management seems the most effective and urgent approach to
be placed
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Each year, the crime rate increases. What are the causes of crime and what could be done to prevent this rise in criminal activity? v. 22

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
315 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts