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Due to the growing number of overweight people in today's society putting strain on healthcare system, some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to offer more physical education lessons in school curriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Due to the growing number of overweight people in today's society putting strain on healthcare system, some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to offer more physical education lessons in school curriculum. v. 1
Obesity has become a huge concern as an increasing percentage of the population have become overweight and this has put a tremendous strain on the healthcare authorities, leading to increased costs. One solution that is being implemented is the introduction of more sports lessons in the school curriculum. In my opinion, I strongly agree that the integration of active lessons will greatly assist in kerbing obesity. Firstly, this essay will discuss how sports lessons will increase awareness of the benefits of having a healthy lifestyle. Secondly, this essay will discuss, the importance of combining exercise with a healthy diet. On the one hand, I believe that the best way to fight health care problems is by utilising health education. By integrating physical education classes into the curriculum, impressionable young children and adults will be exposed to healthy lifestyle practices of sport and exercise, whereas they will also learn about teamwork and see their self-confidence grow. For example, at Westminster primary school in the UK, 10-minute exercise intervals were introduced between classes. The children must run laps around the playground before going to their next lesson. This formed part of a study by Cambridge University, where it reported that 85% of the children performed better on tests and obesity records were at an all-time low. On the other hand, in my view having more physical education classes in the curriculum is not the only way to teach young people how to have a healthy lifestyle. The children should be educated how to balance exercise with a healthy diet, so that this could extend, not only to the students in the schools but also to the parents. For instance, the NHS in the UK regularly hold talks in schools for both parents and students to educate communities on how to have a balanced diet. They also promote proper exercise, involvement in sports, and having an active lifestyle. As a result of this program, in some areas, they saw a decrease in the number of overweight health issues. In conclusion, I strongly agree that having more sports lessons in schools will help to fight the growing number of overweight people. By combining this with a healthy diet, the students will be encouraged to be healthy, from a young age, right through into adulthood.
Obesity has become a huge concern as an increasing percentage of the population have become overweight and this has put a tremendous strain on the healthcare authorities, leading to increased costs. One solution
that is
being implemented
is the introduction of more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lessons
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
curriculum. In my opinion, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the integration of active
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lessons
will
greatly
assist in
Possible spelling mistake found.
kerbing
obesity.
Firstly
, this essay will discuss how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lessons
will increase awareness of the benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
.
Secondly
, this essay will discuss, the importance of combining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
diet.

On the one hand, I believe that the best way to fight health care problems is by
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilising' is British English.
utilising
health education. By integrating physical education classes into the curriculum, impressionable young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and adults will
be exposed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
practices of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
, whereas they will
also
learn about teamwork and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
their self-confidence grow.
For example
, at Westminster primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
in the UK, 10-minute
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
intervals
were introduced
between classes. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
run laps around the playground
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
going to their
next
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lesson
. This formed part of a study by Cambridge University, where it reported that 85% of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
performed better on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tests
and obesity records were at an all-time low.

On the other hand
, in my view
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
more physical education classes in the curriculum is not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way to teach young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
how to have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be educated
how to balance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
diet,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that this could extend, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to the students in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
to the parents.
For instance
, the NHS in the UK
regularly
hold talks in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
for both parents and students to educate communities on how to have a balanced diet. They
also
promote proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
, involvement in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
an active
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
.
As a result
of this program, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
areas, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
a decrease in the number of overweight health issues.

In conclusion
, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lessons
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to fight the growing number of overweight
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. By combining this with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
diet, the students will
be encouraged
to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
, from a young age, right through into adulthood.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Due to the growing number of overweight people in today's society putting strain on healthcare system, some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to offer more physical education lessons in school curriculum. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
380 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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