Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

When choosing a job, the salary is the most important consideration. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.6

When choosing a job, the salary is the most important consideration. v. 6
Many people choose their occupations depended on the salary offered and suppose that it is more essential than all others factors. However, I truly disagree with this viewpoint because of some following reasons. On the one hand, I realize that money is extremely vital because people need it in order to meet the individual needs such as education, entertainment, shopping or travelling. It is an indisputable fact that the higher income employees earn, the more comfortable they live. Even more importantly, the level of salary is an important criterion to assess the success of each person. These are the reasons why humans always have shown respect to money since it appeared in our life. On the other hand, I strongly believe that some other considerations are as necessary as salary. The first one would be working environment. Many have laboured, especially the young, are keen on the atmosphere where they work because it gives them chances to develop their personal resources. Obviously, young employees usually lack working experience and practical skills so that they need places supporting them to enhance their abilities. Another important factor when choosing jobs is passion. No matter how much money someone makes, they still feel unhappy with their jobs because these jobs do not inspire them. For example, a person enjoying music would not have job satisfaction unless he or she works as a singer or a musician. In conclusion, I once again reaffirm my position that some aspects like work environment and job passion are not less important than the salary level in case of choosing jobs. Everybody needs to have a right orientation for the sake of finding out the most suitable occupation.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
choose their occupations depended on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
offered and suppose that it is more essential than all others factors.
However
, I
truly
disagree with this viewpoint
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
following reasons.

On the one hand, I realize that money is
extremely
vital
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
it in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
such as education, entertainment, shopping or travelling. It is an indisputable fact that the higher income employees earn, the more comfortable they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
. Even more
importantly
, the level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
criterion to assess the success of each person. These are the reasons why humans always have shown respect to money since it appeared in our life.

On the other hand
, I
strongly
believe that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other considerations are as necessary as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
. The
first
one would be working environment.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
have
Possible spelling mistake. 'laboured' is British English.
laboured
,
especially
the young, are keen on the atmosphere where they work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it gives them chances to develop their personal resources.
Obviously
, young employees
usually
lack working experience and practical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
places supporting them to enhance their abilities. Another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factor when choosing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
is passion. No matter how much money someone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
, they
still
feel unhappy with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
do not inspire them.
For example
, a person enjoying music would not have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
satisfaction unless he or she works as a singer or a musician.

In conclusion
, I once again reaffirm my position that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
aspects like work environment and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
passion are not less
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
level in case of choosing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
. Everybody
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
to have a right orientation for the sake of finding out the most suitable occupation.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay When choosing a job, the salary is the most important consideration. v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
280 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts