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Due to the development and rapid expansion of supermarkets in some countries, many small, local businesses are unable to compete. Some people think that the closure of local business will bring about the death of local communities. v.1

Due to the development and rapid expansion of supermarkets in some countries, many small, local businesses are unable to compete. Some people think that the closure of local business will bring about the death of local communities. v. 1
The proliferation of supermarkets in rural and urban areas is on the rise. It is thought to be beneficial by some and damaging to the local businesses by others. While people with both points of view continue to exist, I strongly believe that opening up of shopping marts helps local communities to bloom and blossom. Proponents of the idea argue that international products render national investors out of business. As increasing numbers of cheap goods are available to choose from, sufficient funds may not be available to local people to produce items of comparable quality. For example, ever since the advent of China in the cotton and food industry, native Pakistani cotton fabric industry has almost shut down. This has also resulted in many individuals being unemployed, also leaving local contractors paralysed. However, while such problems do occur, large shopping areas, in fact, help to sustain local produce. Firstly, as competitors stock their articles from around the world, inhabitants of the area stand a better chance to sell their crops and finished goods to a greater number of customers. Generation of increased amount of revenue would be a direct consequence, therefore, enhancing the gross domestic product in return. Moreover, the establishment of supermarkets can help to feel pride en masse. This can be especially true in cases where local items occupy shelves of supermarkets, enabling purchases by international customers. Provided marketing strategies are put to us, a brand might become popular all over the world, thereby setting the stage for uplifting morale. Hence, it is imperative that growth and sustenance of supermarkets will fuel the survival of local communities.
The proliferation of supermarkets in rural and urban areas is on the rise. It is
thought
to be beneficial by
some
and damaging to the
local
businesses by others. While
people
with both points of view continue to exist, I
strongly
believe that opening up of shopping marts
helps
local
communities to bloom and blossom.

Proponents of the
idea
argue that international products render national investors out of business. As increasing numbers of
cheap
goods
are available to choose from, sufficient funds may not be available to
local
people
to produce items of comparable quality.
For example
, ever since the advent of China in the cotton and food industry, native Pakistani cotton fabric industry has almost shut down. This has
also
resulted in
many
individuals
being unemployed
,
also
leaving
local
contractors
paralysed
.

However
, while such problems do occur, large shopping areas, in fact,
help
to sustain
local
produce.
Firstly
, as competitors stock their articles from around the world, inhabitants of the area stand a better chance to sell their crops and finished
goods
to a greater number of customers. Generation of increased amount of revenue would be a direct consequence,
therefore
, enhancing the gross domestic product in return.
Moreover
, the establishment of supermarkets can
help
to feel pride en masse. This can be
especially
true in cases where
local
items occupy shelves of supermarkets, enabling
purchases
by international customers. Provided marketing strategies
are put
to us, a brand might become popular all over the world, thereby setting the stage for uplifting morale.

Hence
, it is imperative that growth and sustenance of supermarkets will fuel the survival of
local
communities.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Due to the development and rapid expansion of supermarkets in some countries, many small, local businesses are unable to compete. Some people think that the closure of local business will bring about the death of local communities. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
269 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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