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Some people think that watching sports in one's free time is just a waste of time. v.3

Some people think that watching sports in one's free time is just a waste of time. v. 3
Different kinds of sports are enjoyed by sports lovers around the world and most people have their own favourite sports. Nowadays, watching sports has become one of the common leisure activities and many people spend hours sitting in front of a television. However, some people argue that it is a waste of time and they advise opting to outdoor activities instead. In my opinion, watching sports on television is not a waste of time but there should be a balance between the time spent on watching sports and taking part in other social and sports activities. First of all, watching sports is an excellent form of entertainment and for many, this is even a passion. It is a pleasure and way of relaxation for many and in most of the cases, people watch sports with others, which is a great way of socialising. I believe that watching live sports on TV has become an event of socialising and communicating each other in many countries. However, spending hours after hours in front of a TV set to watch different sports and not doing anything is not recommended. On the contrary, many people claim that watching sporting events on TV to kill one’s spare time is not a worthy activity as this time could be better utilised by taking part in other social activities and skill development programmes. People, who watch TV most of the time, become isolated and develop an unhealthy eating habit. Thus according to many, watching sports on TV has no significant benefits and participating in outdoor activities are much healthier and advantageous. To conclude, we have to maintain a symmetry in our leisure activities; while enjoying sporting is a good way of relaxation and socialisation, too much of it can be harmful. We have to choose plenty of various free activities to foster a healthy lifestyle.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Different
kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are enjoyed
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
lovers around the world and most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. Nowadays, watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
has become one of the common leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend hours sitting in front of a television.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that it is a waste of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
time and
they advise opting to outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
instead
. In my opinion, watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
on television is not a waste of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there should be a balance between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
spent on watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and taking part in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
social and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
activities.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
is an excellent form of entertainment and for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
, this is even a passion. It is a pleasure and way of relaxation for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
and in most of the cases,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
with others, which is a great way of
Possible spelling mistake. 'socialising' is British English.
socialising
. I believe that watching
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
on TV has become an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
of
Possible spelling mistake. 'socialising' is British English.
socialising
and communicating each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries.
However
, spending hours after hours in front of a TV set to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and not doing anything is not recommended.

On the contrary
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
claim that watching sporting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
on TV to kill one’s spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is not a worthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
as this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
could be better
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilised' is British English.
utilised
by taking part in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
development
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
, who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
TV most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, become isolated and develop an unhealthy eating habit.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
according to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
, watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
on TV has no significant benefits and participating in outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are much healthier and advantageous.

To conclude
, we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
maintain a symmetry in our leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
; while enjoying sporting is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way of relaxation and
Possible spelling mistake. 'socialisation' is British English.
socialisation
, too much of it can be harmful. We
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
choose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of various free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
to foster a healthy lifestyle.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
34Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that watching sports in one's free time is just a waste of time. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
308 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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