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Due to so many young people dropping out from schools, the rate of unemployment is increasing and it affects our society in different ways. In your opinion, how can this situation be improved? v.1

Due to so many young people dropping out from schools, the rate of unemployment is increasing and it affects our society in different ways. In your opinion, how can this situation be improved? v. 1
In the modern world, the majority of school students are keen to drop out their academic institutions in order to find a better life condition or achieve their personal goals. As a result, due to lack of professional qualification, many individuals cannot find an appropriate job. There is no denying that unskilled specialists cannot grow the social well-being. It is widely known that the majority of these people cannot run their livelihood. Consequently, they cannot find their role in the modern society. A good illustration of this is perpetrators, who are keen to commit the crime, because of their poor conditions. Furthermore, these students can struggle with lack of confidence. It is true that a good knowledge gives confidence, and that is why well-qualified workers take high positions in the society. For instance, many administrative workers are well-educated, and have good communication skills. On the other hand, encouragement of the authorities can alleviate the situation. That is to say, the government should motivate the people in order to continue their academic years, and not drop out the school. For instance, many students in the developed countries receive special bonuses and increments. Moreover, parents should be aware of their children’s education. They should motivate their children, share their experience and teach them to communicate with other people in the class. To illustrate, they can teach their children how to accomplish personal purposes. To recapitulate, although there is an opinion that the situation of school students cannot find its solution, others feel that the collaboration of the authorities with individuals can partly solve this problem. In addition, parents should be aware of their children’s academic success.
In the modern world, the majority of school
students
are keen to drop out their academic institutions in order to
find
a better life condition or achieve their personal goals.
As a result
, due to lack of professional qualification,
many
individuals cannot
find
an appropriate job.

There is no denying that unskilled specialists cannot grow the social well-being. It is
widely
known that the majority of these
people
cannot run their livelihood.
Consequently
, they cannot
find
their role in the modern society. A
good
illustration of this is perpetrators, who are keen to commit the crime,
because
of their poor conditions.
Furthermore
, these
students
can struggle with lack of confidence. It is true that a
good
knowledge gives confidence, and
that is
why well-qualified workers take high positions in the society.
For instance
,
many
administrative workers are well-educated, and have
good
communication
skills
.

On the other hand
, encouragement of the authorities can alleviate the situation.
That is
to say, the
government
should motivate the
people
in order to continue their academic years, and not drop out the school.
For instance
,
many
students
in the
developed countries
receive special bonuses and increments.
Moreover
, parents should be aware of their
children’s
education. They should motivate their
children
, share their experience and teach them to communicate with other
people
in the
class
. To illustrate, they can teach their
children
how to accomplish personal purposes.

To recapitulate, although there is an opinion that the situation of school
students
cannot
find
its solution, others feel that the collaboration of the authorities with individuals can partly solve this problem.
In addition
, parents should be aware of their
children’s
academic success.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
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IELTS essay Due to so many young people dropping out from schools, the rate of unemployment is increasing and it affects our society in different ways. In your opinion, how can this situation be improved? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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