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Due to evelopment and rapid expansion of supermarkets in some countires, many small, local business are unable to compete. Some people think that the closure of local business will bring about the death of local communities. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Due to evelopment and rapid expansion of supermarkets in some countires, many small, local business are unable to compete. Some people think that the closure of local business will bring about the death of local communities. v. 1
There is no doubt that supermarkets are responsible for the closure of several local businesses. Many people believe that with the local stores going out of business will lead to the disappearance of local communities and I tend to agree with them. In this essay, I am going to support my view with examples. Firstly, many local businesses are run by local people investing together. They work together and this strengthens the relationship between them. For example, my grandfather owns a small store along with his friends, which had helped them to constantly stay in touch with each other and thus playing a part in improving their relationship. In addition, a local community can sell their produce at the prices they feel would benefit them. This can help in increasing their profit, which can they can utilise to further develop their community. For instance, supermarkets in my country buy at a price they fix from the farmers, decreasing the profit share by a farmer. Furthermore, this money earned by the supermarket goes to the pocket of the owner rather than to the community. As a result, there is no source for the local groups to sustain their community. To conclude, the local community depends on local business to support themselves through the money earned and also the benefit of increased relations. However, a supermarket can affect the communities by decreasing their profits and in my view, this should be neglected.
There is no doubt that supermarkets are responsible for the closure of several
local
businesses
.
Many
people
believe that with the
local
stores going out of
business
will lead to the disappearance of
local
communities
and I tend to
agree
with them. In this essay, I am going to support my view with examples.

Firstly
,
many
local
businesses
are run
by
local
people
investing together. They work together and this strengthens the relationship between them.

For example
, my grandfather
owns
a
small
store along with his friends, which had
helped
them to
constantly
stay in touch with each other and
thus
playing a part in improving their relationship.

In addition
, a
local
community
can sell their produce at the prices they feel would benefit them. This can
help
in increasing their profit, which can they can
utilise
to
further
develop their
community
.
For instance
, supermarkets in my country
buy
at a price they
fix
from the farmers, decreasing the profit share by a farmer.
Furthermore
, this money earned by the supermarket goes to the pocket of the owner
rather
than to the
community
.
As a result
, there is no source for the
local
groups to sustain their community.

To conclude
, the
local
community
depends on
local
business
to support themselves through the money earned and
also
the benefit of increased relations.
However
, a supermarket can affect the
communities
by decreasing their profits and in my view, this should
be neglected
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Due to evelopment and rapid expansion of supermarkets in some countires, many small, local business are unable to compete. Some people think that the closure of local business will bring about the death of local communities. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
240 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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