Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

A government has a responsibility to its citizens to ensure their safety Therefore, some people think that government should increase spending on defense but spend less on social benefits. To what extent do you agree? v.2

A government has a responsibility to its citizens to ensure their safety Therefore, some people think that government should increase spending on defense but spend less on social benefits. v. 2
In the modern days, it has become very important for every nation to protect its borders. This idea leads most of the people to think that the government should spend most of the funds on the defence sector by cutting the expenditure on social benefits. I do not agree with this view. However, I do believe that both of the sectors need investment and efforts for any country to grow and prosper. To commence with, national security is of utmost importance. The forces help a state maintain peace and protect the borders. If the forces are not there to protect the civilians, then any other country might attack the nation for some natural resources, turning the own citizens into slaves to the other country. Moreover, they help in maintaining law and order within the state as well. For instance, when there was the 26/11 Mumbai terrorist attack, the CRPF took over, killed the terrorists and helped hundreds of people evacuate the site. On the other hand, spending funds on defence at the expense of social security is not beneficial in the long term. If the benefits in the education, health care, food etc. , are not available to the poor, it will lead them to follow the wrong path to survive. For example, if a poor person is not getting food to satisfy their hunger, they might go on to commit some crime, such as- steal some money, to buy it. This increases the crime rate in a state making other citizens more insecure. Therefore, it is also important to help the weaker sections of the society. To conclude, in my opinion, it is very important to spend on both the national and social security because no nation can stand on one of them, but needs both. Every government needs to find a perfect balance of fund division among the sectors of defence and social benefits.
In the modern days, it has become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for every nation to protect its borders. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
leads most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should spend most of the funds on the
Possible spelling mistake. 'defence' is British English.
defence
sector by cutting the expenditure on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
benefits. I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this view.
However
, I do believe that both of the sectors need investment and efforts for any country to grow and prosper.

To commence with, national security is of utmost importance. The forces
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
a state maintain peace and protect the borders. If the forces are not there to protect the civilians, then any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
country might attack the nation for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
natural resources, turning the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
citizens into slaves to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
country.
Moreover
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in maintaining law and order within the state
as well
.
For instance
, when there was the 26/11 Mumbai terrorist attack, the
Possible spelling mistake found.
CRPF
 took over, killed the terrorists and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
hundreds of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
evacuate the site.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, spending funds on
Possible spelling mistake. 'defence' is British English.
defence
at the expense of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
security is not beneficial in the long term. If the benefits in the education, health care, food etc.
Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
,
are not available to the poor, it will lead them to follow the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
path to survive.
For example
, if a poor person is not getting food to satisfy their hunger, they might go on to commit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
crime, such as- steal
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
money, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
it. This increases the crime rate in a state making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
citizens more insecure.
Therefore
, it is
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the weaker sections of the society.

To conclude
, in my opinion, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to spend on both the national and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
security
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
no nation can stand on one of them,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
needs both. Every
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
needs to find a perfect balance of fund division among the sectors of
Possible spelling mistake. 'defence' is British English.
defence
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
benefits.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay A government has a responsibility to its citizens to ensure their safety Therefore, some people think that government should increase spending on defense but spend less on social benefits. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
315 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts