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Doctors should be responsible for educating their patient about improving their health. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this. v.1

Doctors should be responsible for educating their patient about improving their health. with this. v. 1
It is undeniable that doctor plays a vital role in the life of the patient. Some folks believe that it becomes the duty of the physician to aware his patient about the different ways of improvising their health whereas some set of people disagree. In my opinion, I agree with the view that doctors should educate their patients. However, other medium such as schools, the media and a lot more should also be used to spread awareness of healthy living among the people. On one hand, undoubtedly doctors can provide the credible information to their patient based upon their higher education, knowledge and work experience. They can also save their patients from the trap of the misleading information available online. For example, a survey performed by the health department in London has proved that majority of the people completely rely on the information and follow the same routine as directed by the doctor to stay salubrious and agile. In addition to this, working in hospital, clinics and more on the daily basis makes it much easier for physicians to help their patients instill the momentousness of a healthy living. On the other hand, schools should step forward to educate student about healthy lifestyle by introducing some health care subjects in the school curriculum. As a result, students are likely to be conscious of taking care of themselves from an early age. For instance, the introduction of physical education in the academic syllabus helps the students to stay fit and away from doctors. Apart from this, more health programs and podcast should be broadcast on national and global media, which results in raising awareness among the people and encourage them to stay fit and active. In conclusion, I assert that although doctors are responsible to educate their patients, it has also become the crucial ones of the school and media to aware people about the ways of living a salubrious life.
It is undeniable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctor
plays a vital role in the life of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
patient
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
folks believe that it becomes the duty of the physician to aware his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
patient
about the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ways of improvising their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
whereas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
set of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
disagree. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the view that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
should educate their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
patients
.
However
, other medium such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
, the media and a lot more should
also
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to spread awareness of healthy living among the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

On one hand,
undoubtedly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
can provide the credible information to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
patient
based upon their higher education, knowledge and work experience. They can
also
save their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
patients
from the trap of the misleading information available online.
For example
, a survey performed by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
department in London has proved that majority of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
completely rely on the information and follow the same routine as directed by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctor
to stay salubrious and agile.
In addition
to this, working in hospital, clinics and more on the daily basis
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it much easier for physicians to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
patients
instill the momentousness of a healthy living.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should step forward to educate student about healthy lifestyle by introducing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
care subjects in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
curriculum.
As a result
, students are likely to be conscious of taking care of themselves from an early age.
For instance
, the introduction of physical education in the academic syllabus
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the students to stay fit and away from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
. Apart from this, more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
programs and podcast should be broadcast on national and global media, which results in raising awareness among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and encourage them to stay fit and active.

In conclusion
, I assert that although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
are responsible to educate their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
patients
, it has
also
become the crucial ones of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and media to aware
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about the ways of living a salubrious life.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
A new language is a new life.
Persian Proverb

IELTS essay Doctors should be responsible for educating their patient about improving their health. with this. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
320 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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