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An increasing number of people are now using dating sites to meet their second halves. Do you think that this tendency helps people to socialize or does more harm than good? v.2

An increasing number of people are now using dating sites to meet their second halves. Do you think that this tendency helps people to socialize or does more harm than good? v. 2
In the modern world, many single people tend to use social networks and dating sites to meet someone. Accordingly, the number of people who use such sites for their own purposes is increasing. Although, many individuals are keen to believe that online dating sites are not a viable option, personally, In my opinion, these sites are suitable for many internet users as well as for real life dating. First and foremost, online sites are an appropriate tool for many modest and indecisive people. In this regard, they have a golden opportunity to meet someone, and selection options are provided on many sites, which is very essential for meeting a right person for users. Furthermore, using dating sites, speeds up the process of meeting a potential partner, leading to marriage or engagement. To illustrate, a friend of mine got engaged in this year with a girl, who find my best friend though the internet. Secondly, online dating is convenient and more effective for busy people. The world is developing faster than before, and modern people often have not a much time for dating. However, finding a girlfriend/boyfriend is necessary to continue the generation. In this case, these sites may be useful to meet the better half. Moreover, it can connect people who live far apart. For example, a girl who lives in the South have a chance to meet the boy who lives in the North. In conclusion, although many individuals reckon to think that these sites are not beneficial and worthless, there are many couples who got married because of dating sites. However, due to growing numbers of internet dating sites, many types of crime such as blackmail and rape rates are increased significantly.
In the modern world,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
single
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
social networks and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
someone.
Accordingly
, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
purposes is increasing. Although,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals are keen to believe that online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
are not a viable option,
personally
, In my opinion, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
are suitable for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
internet users
as well
as for real life dating.

First
and foremost, online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
are an appropriate tool for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
modest and indecisive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. In this regard, they have a golden opportunity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
someone, and selection options
are provided
on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
, which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
essential for meeting a right person for users.
Furthermore
, using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
speeds up
the process of meeting a potential partner, leading to marriage or engagement. To illustrate, a friend of mine
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
engaged in this year with a girl,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
find my best friend though the internet.

Secondly
, online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dating
is convenient and more effective for busy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. The world is developing faster than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
, and modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
have not
Maybe you should omit the article 'a', leaving only "much".
a much
time for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dating
.
However
, finding a girlfriend/boyfriend is necessary to continue the generation.
In this case
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
may be useful to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the better half.
Moreover
, it can connect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
far apart.
For example
, a girl
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in the South have a chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the boy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in the North.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals reckon to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
are not beneficial and worthless, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
couples
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
married
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
.
However
, due to growing numbers of internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
types of crime such as blackmail and rape rates
are increased
significantly
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay An increasing number of people are now using dating sites to meet their second halves. Do you think that this tendency helps people to socialize or does more harm than good? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
284 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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