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Doctors, nurses and teachers make a great contribution to society and should be paid more than entertainment and sports celebrities. Do you agree or disagree? v.3

Doctors, nurses and teachers make a great contribution to society and should be paid more than entertainment and sports celebrities. v. 3
Although celebrities and sports personalities belong to an industry that offers high paying jobs, the people who do greater good like doctors, nurses and teachers are not appreciated financially. Some believe that, these individuals should be given better pay for their work. This essay will discuss that, in my opinion, the salary given to the health care workers and the educators should be higher, as they make a greater contribution to the overall growth. Entertainers like actors and sports person help in tying the locals together by their work, as they help to create a bond between like minded people. Moreover, being an influential personality, they also help in creating social awareness among the locals by addressing various issues. For example, Polio eradication camp was a huge success, as it was promoted by a famous celebrity, which helped in widespread awareness. Hence, they should be appreciated for the social work done by them for the betterment. Despite all these, the work contributed by the people belonging to the field of medicine and education is much greater than any other areas. In addition, they often work at odd hours and sometimes at the cost of their own health. For instance, late night emergencies or working overtime is very common with the medical practitioners, however, they do not get any additional incentives for the same. Consequently, it is important that such efforts should be appreciated in terms of money to motivate them to work harder. In conclusion, in spite of higher contribution to the society, the educators and the health workers do not get their due. This essay discussed that, according to me, even though celebrities and sports personalities should be paid well for their work these people should be getting higher returns for their selfless contributions.
Although celebrities and sports personalities belong to an industry that offers high paying jobs, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who do greater
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
like doctors, nurses and teachers are not appreciated
financially
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
believe that, these individuals should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
better pay for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. This essay will discuss that, in my opinion, the salary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to the health care workers and the educators should be higher, as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a greater contribution to the
overall
growth.

Entertainers like actors and sports person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in tying the locals together by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to create a bond between
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
like minded
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Moreover
, being an influential personality, they
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in creating social awareness among the locals by addressing various issues.
For example
, Polio eradication camp was a huge success, as it
was promoted
by a
Consider using "celebrity".
famous celebrity
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
in widespread awareness.
Hence
, they should
be appreciated
for the social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
done by them for the betterment.

Despite all these, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
contributed by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
belonging to the field of medicine and education is much greater than any other areas.
In addition
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
at odd hours and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
at the cost of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
health.
For instance
, late night emergencies or working overtime is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
common with the medical practitioners,
however
, they do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
any additional incentives for the same.
Consequently
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
that such efforts should
be appreciated
in terms of money to motivate them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
harder.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
higher contribution to the society, the educators and the health workers do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
their due. This essay discussed that, according to me,
even though
celebrities and sports personalities should
be paid
well for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should be getting higher returns for their selfless contributions.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Doctors, nurses and teachers make a great contribution to society and should be paid more than entertainment and sports celebrities. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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