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do you think that television programs, movies and video games influence young people's behavior? v.2

do you think that television programs, movies and video games influence young people's behavior? v. 2
Television programs, movies and video games apart from entertainment, it influences young people' s behavior also. Firstly, I would say that childrens have limited their imagination to these programs. For example: movies like Batman and Superman have limited their brain to these heroes and types but not other than these. Furthermore, children become addicted to these television shows and leave studies, as they are so much engrossed in it. For example: children bunk their classes of school for the episode of Doreamon because they are engaging and exciting for them. In addition, there many voilent shows comming on television, so we should have eye on our kids what they are watching. Children may be watching some18plus content on television which will crave them do masturbation lead to severe consequences in their life. Even sometimes children imitate just like their favourate heroes which come on television. For example: news came on night that a child imitating just like superman tried to jump from a building, got injuries. As, he fall down from the building. These television programs makes us lethargic and mentally unstable by brain. So, people should go gyms and parks to play outdoor sports rather watching television, movies and playing video games. But there are some positive aspects of them also for instance: many movies are made on history of a country, how it got freedom? . This incalcates patriotic behaviour in children towards their country. Some movies breaks the social taboos in society for example: all citizens in a country should be given equal rights irrespective of their creed, caste and sex. This will generate a egalitarinism in children. Another movies are made on uniques ideas like young Enterpreneurs get different idea which made him billionaire At the end, some people say that programs, movies and video games influence young people' s behaviour, others say that these things do not make impact on the minds of young generation' s behaviour. But, in my opinion i will say that television, video games and movies are the key or major manipulator young people' s behavior.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Television
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
apart from entertainment, it influences
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
Possible spelling mistake found.
people&
#039; s behavior
also
.

Firstly
, I would say that
Possible spelling mistake found.
childrens have
limited their imagination to these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
. For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
:
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
like Batman and Superman have limited their brain to these heroes and types
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not other than these.

Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
become addicted to these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
studies, as they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much engrossed in it. For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
:
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
bunk their classes of school for the episode of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Doreamon
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are engaging and exciting for them.
In addition
, there
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Possible spelling mistake found.
voilent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
Possible spelling mistake found.
comming
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
we should have eye on our kids what they are watching.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
may be watching some18plus content on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
which will crave them do masturbation lead to severe consequences in their life. Even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
imitate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
like their
Possible spelling mistake found.
favourate
heroes which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
. For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
: news came on night that a child imitating
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
like superman tried to jump from a building,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
injuries.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
, he
The pronoun 'he' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "falls", "fell".
fall
down from the building. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
us lethargic and mentally unstable by brain.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should go gyms and parks to play outdoor sports
rather
watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
and playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspects of them
also
for instance
:
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
are made
on history of a country, how it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
freedom?
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
This
Possible spelling mistake found.
incalcates
patriotic
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
towards their country.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
You should probably use "break".
breaks
the social taboos in society for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
: all citizens in a country should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
equal rights irrespective of their creed, caste and sex. This will generate
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
Possible spelling mistake found.
egalitarinism
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
are made
on
Possible spelling mistake found.
uniques
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
Possible spelling mistake found.
Enterpreneurs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
which made him
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
billionaire


At the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
influence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
Possible spelling mistake found.
people&
#039; s
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
, others say that these things do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
impact on the minds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
Possible spelling mistake found.
generation&
#039; s
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, in my opinion
Did you mean "I"?
i
will say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
are the key or major manipulator
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
Possible spelling mistake found.
people&
#039; s behavior.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
48Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
24Mistakes

IELTS essay do you think that television programs, movies and video games influence young people's behavior? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
345 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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