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Do you agree or disagree that television programs, movies, and video games influence young people's behavior? Give reasons and specific examples to support your claim. v.2

that television programs, movies, and video games influence young people's behavior? Give reasons and specific examples to support your claim. v. 2
Young people who are developing their personality are very prone to be influenced by their environment. Television programs, movies, and video games are some of the influential agents of modern life and I believe that they have both positive and negative impacts on the young people' s behavior. Television programs that are specifically produced for the young, as their target audience, have significant influence on modifying their target' s behavior. For instance, social studies showed that codes of social etiquette that are conveyed to the school-age children via short animations on the TV are very successful in consolidating the positive social behaviors. However, watching unsuitable programs are shown to encourage unfavorable and sometimes antisocial behaviors among the young. Violent behavior in television programs as well as movies are easily absorbed by the young minds and lead to a vicious cycle of malpractice as the young reproduce the violent acts in media. Recently, a breaking news reporting that an elementary school kid shoot his friend to imitate a scene of an adult action movie shocked the society. Video games are also like double-edged blades. While puzzle games and the game produced with particular educational purposes can improve the young people' s mental capacity and knowledge, there are other games that may result in aggressive and/or reckless behaviors. My little cousin learnt to speak English merely by playing video games in this language. However, he became very irritable in the period he played games for long hours. Moreover, the exciting nature of the video games may generate addiction to playing them. In a nut shell, media has a powerful effect on our behaviors. It may shape them in a positive way which makes us better fit to our society or it may cause antisocial behaviors to develop. Since the young people are rather vulnerable to the media, I agree that television programs, movies, and video games influence young people' s behavior.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are developing their personality are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
prone to
be influenced
by their environment. Television
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
influential agents of modern life and I believe that they have both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
Possible spelling mistake found.
people&
#039; s behavior.

Television
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
that are
specifically
produced for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
, as their target audience, have significant influence on modifying their
Possible spelling mistake found.
target&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behavior
.
For instance
, social studies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that codes of social etiquette that
are conveyed
to the school-age children via short animations on the TV are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
successful in consolidating the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
social behaviors.

However
, watching unsuitable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
are shown
to encourage unfavorable and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
antisocial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behaviors
among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
. Violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behavior
in television
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
are
easily
absorbed by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
minds and lead to a vicious cycle of malpractice as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
reproduce the violent acts in media. Recently, a breaking news reporting that an elementary school kid shoot his friend to imitate a scene of an adult action
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
shocked the society.

Video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are
also
like double-edged blades. While puzzle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and the game produced with particular educational purposes can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
Possible spelling mistake found.
people&
#039; s mental capacity and knowledge, there are other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
that may result in aggressive and/or reckless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behaviors
. My
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
cousin
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
to speak English
merely
by playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
in this language.
However
, he became
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
irritable in the period he played
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
for long hours.
Moreover
, the exciting nature of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
may generate addiction to playing them.

In a nut shell, media has a powerful effect on our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behaviors
. It may shape them in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
way which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
us better fit to our society or it may cause antisocial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behaviors
to develop. Since the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
rather
vulnerable to the media, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that television
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
influence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
Possible spelling mistake found.
people&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behavior
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
42Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
The man who does not know other languages, unless he is a man of genius, necessarily has deficiencies in his ideas.
Victor Hugo

IELTS essay that television programs, movies, and video games influence young people's behavior? Give reasons and specific examples to support your claim. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
319 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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