Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Do you think that an ageing society will disappear? What are the advantages and disadvantages of having more old people in society? v.2

Do you think that an ageing society will disappear? What are the advantages and disadvantages of having more old people in society? v. 2
Over the past decades, it is widely believed that the medical advancement has fostered the longevity around the globe. Despite the enhanced well-being of average citizens, this seismic shift has begot a financial burden to our society. The aim of this essay is set to explore the societal benefit pertainning to additional manpower and a detrimental effect on economy. To begin with, there is ample evidence suggested that the elderly nowadays are generally perceived as workforce in some less strained domain. In fact, unlike a couple of century ago, senior people who absorbed sufficient nourishment’s and had shaped a healthy habit with regular workouts are deemed energetic enough to produce values to the communities in their late life. Recent empirical research from the Elderly Committee ascertained that 70% people belonging the retired age-group are still participating in voluntary works for neighbourhood entailing part-time music teaching and homework tutoring. Seen in this light, these extra workforce is likely to ameliorate the increasing demands of the corresponding sectors. Although the benefits given to neighbourhood are remarkable, the impact of the expanding senior age-group on overall nation should not be overstated. What this means is the fact that, with inadequate personal saving and rising fee for housing and food, the major livelihood of elderly has a high tendency to be underpinned by social security and pensions they earned from the past employers. Having conducted an extensive study, the Hong Kong University established that the number of retired people who count on pension or social security has quadrupled over the pass 20 years. Considering with this line of thinking, this national expenditure has cumulated with aging population. Meanwhile, coupled with the installation of ensuing facilities designated for the elderly and the allowance that subsidising the concession fee for transportation, the economic development would be hindered under the growing contention accompanied by globalization. In conclusion, while these passionate and committed senior workforce constitute assistants in the neighbourhood, they are also tentamount to impediments to national development. Yet, it is predicted that the aging process will remain insurmountable in foreseeable future due to the progress science and technology are making.
Over the past decades, it is
widely
believed that the medical advancement has fostered the longevity around the globe. Despite the enhanced well-being of average citizens, this seismic shift has begot a financial burden to our society. The aim of this essay
is set
to explore the societal benefit
pertainning
to additional manpower and a detrimental effect on economy.

To
begin
with, there is ample evidence suggested that the
elderly
nowadays are
generally
perceived as workforce in
some
less strained domain. In fact, unlike
a couple of century
ago, senior
people
who absorbed sufficient nourishment’s and had shaped a healthy habit with regular workouts
are deemed
energetic
enough
to produce values to the communities in their late life. Recent empirical research from the
Elderly
Committee ascertained that 70%
people
belonging the retired age-group are
still
participating in voluntary works for
neighbourhood
entailing part-time music teaching and homework tutoring.
Seen
in this light, these extra workforce is likely to ameliorate the increasing demands of the corresponding sectors.

Although the benefits
given
to
neighbourhood
are remarkable, the impact of the expanding senior age-group on
overall
nation should not
be overstated
. What this means is the fact that, with inadequate personal saving and rising fee for housing and food, the major livelihood of
elderly
has a high tendency to
be underpinned
by social security and pensions they earned from the past employers. Having conducted an extensive study, the Hong Kong University established that the number of retired
people
who count on pension or social security has quadrupled over the pass 20 years. Considering with this line of thinking, this national expenditure has cumulated with aging population. Meanwhile, coupled with the installation of ensuing facilities designated for the
elderly
and the allowance that
subsidising
the concession fee for transportation, the economic development would
be hindered
under the growing contention accompanied by globalization.

In conclusion
, while these passionate and committed senior workforce constitute assistants in the
neighbourhood
, they are
also
tentamount
to impediments to national development.
Yet
, it
is predicted
that the aging process will remain insurmountable in foreseeable future due to the progress science and technology are making.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Do you think that an ageing society will disappear? What are the advantages and disadvantages of having more old people in society? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
354 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts